


the trajectory of love

by sundazed



Category: NCT (Band), WAYV
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Light Angst, M/M, Pining, Slow Burn, lit major!yukhei, physics major!renjun, side nomin chensung dotae
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-08
Updated: 2020-02-26
Packaged: 2020-04-12 14:15:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 29,552
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19133722
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sundazed/pseuds/sundazed
Summary: This is how it starts: Renjun kicks Yukhei in the face and Yukhei couldn’t be happier.Now, Yukhei has to deal with his new avalanche of feelings, all while watching Renjun fall for another guy.(or a fic where Renjun is so painfully oblivious and Yukhei’s too smitten to say no to him)





	1. Renjun

**Author's Note:**

> I just really wanted to write a fic where Renjun’s oblivious to Yukhei’s googly eyes at him. never expected it to go out of hand, but here we are. please bear with me.
> 
> (P.S. ten is younger than dy; jichen are same-aged) 
> 
> (P.P.S. unbeta’d, so if u spot some mistakes, do tell!)
> 
> (drea, this is all your fault. thank you always.)

The list Doyoung gave Renjun is easy enough to remember, but he scrolls through the crumpled up paper again for good measure.

Renjun usually enjoys grocery shopping for the distinct serenity he gets from it. If retail therapy were really a thing, then capitalism did a good job in convincing Renjun to avail of unlimited sessions.

Renjun also loves Christmas, loves seeing the supermarket decked out with Christmas decorations, the smell of chicken roast heavily blanketing the air, and Mariah Carey singing through the store speakers.

But with the holidays at its peak, and all the aisles crammed with people, Renjun is anything but serene.

 _Rice flour, carrots, onions, shiitake mushrooms._ Renjun double checks, mentally ticking the things he already has in his cart. His push cart is currently parked between the canned goods and condiments aisle, the only place in the entire supermarket where he’s surprisingly found some space to breathe. Doyoung usually alphabetizes his shopping list (sometimes even color-coded and arranged by type), but he’s been under a lot of stress lately (owing to his boyfriend’s sudden phone call from Japan, saying he’s coming over on Christmas Eve), so he’d hastily scribbled the ingredients he needs for a proper feast before sending Renjun off. 

“Everything has to be perfect!” Doyoung had shouted from their kitchen, elbow deep in a basin of radish kimchi. “Promise I’ll get you that telescope when things go well, Injunnie!”

 _Mirin,_ Renjun realizes. He has yet to get mirin. He conveniently spots the bottle in no time, but immediately deflates when he realizes it’s on the top shelf and undeniably out-of-reach for him. “Dammit,” he mutters, glancing left and right to look if someone, _anyone,_ can help him.

Not one to accept defeat and well-aware that Doyoung will lose his mind if he goes back with incomplete ingredients, Renjun tries on his own, standing on the tips of his toes (thank you, ballet) and reaching as far as his short arms could. But he is unsuccessful, his fingers merely brushing the label. Frustration builds up in his chest, but he pushes it down and tries once more.

Again, na-da.

_Fuck capitalism._

 

With the image of Doyoung going feral in mind, Renjun tries, with all his might, one more time. This time, however, before he can jump and try to grab it like he would to the bell when he goes indoor rock climbing, the sky finally opens up and sends him a six-foot tall angel that reaches for the bottle for him.

“Here you go,” the angel beams at him. It takes Renjun a while to register the face and voice attached to the walking ladder. “It looked like you needed some help.” 

 _Yukhei._ The giant angel is Yukhei.

“Thanks,” Renjun whispers, frustration immediately replaced with embarrassment. He truly is grateful though, so he shoves the blow to his ego down his throat and repeats, this time smiling, “Thank you. I really need this.”

Yukhei gestures an _okay_ at him, obviously not minding it, like he’s done it a million times today. Renjun imagines him just walking around the supermarket helping vertically-challenged people out and reaching for everything on the top shelf before he spots Yukhei’s basket, filled to the brim with chips and soda, in his free hand.

“Merry Christmas!” Yukhei throws over his shoulder, immediately disappearing into the sea of people that have filled up the once-deserted aisle. After chucking the mirin into his cart, Renjun goes back to the list and tries to forget about the smile Yukhei just gave him.

 

*****

 

**lucas [5:46 pm]**

oh my god

guess who i just bumped into at the supermarket

 

**yangyang [5:46 pm]**

whom*

 

**hyuck [5:47 pm]**

wtf

you interrupted my game and made me lose my triple combo u fucker

this better be good

 

**lucas [5:47 pm]**

hUANG RENJUN

I GRABBED THE MIRIN FROM THE TOP SHELF FOR HIM

H U A NG

R E N J U N

: ‘ D

**yangyang [5:47 pm]**

holy shit

ok you’re forgiven

pls dont die

**lucas [5:47 pm]**

he smiled at me too C:

 

**yangyang [5:48 pm]**

dfsdjsnds see!!

I told u staying in seoul wouldnt be so bad!!

congrats

send me ur wedding invite asap

 

**lucas [5:48 pm]**

don’t think he recognized me tho :/

 

**hyuck [5:48 pm]**

idiot

u should’ve introduced yourself then :(((

 

**lucas [5:49 pm]**

ugh

he was wearing a fluffy blue sweater

he’s like a tiny blueberry

qt D;

 

*****

 

After checking for the hundredth time that he has everything, Renjun finally goes to checkout, which takes a million years, and ends up with three heavy bags. It takes Renjun twice the time it usually takes to get to the exit, and even longer to the curb where he goes into war to hail a taxi. 

“Yes, hyung,” Renjun says, struggling to balance the phone between his shoulder and cheek, hands all occupied. “I’m coming home with three bags. You owe me big time.”

“How long have you been waiting for a taxi? Want me to send Ten to fetch you?”

He loves his brother with all his heart, but Ten cannot, for the life of him, drive. Or at least, drive like a proper human being with a license.

 _Hyung, there’s another pedal on the left, it’s called The Brake. I’d appreciate it if you two got acquainted_ , Renjun had said the last time Ten tried to drive Renjun to uni.

 _You have to relax, Junnie_. _You’re always so tense,_ Ten countered before almost missing a stop sign.

Renjun’s not quite sure how he got his license, but Jaemin bets he charmed his way into getting one, which, admittedly, isn’t so far fetched. And Renjun would rather have dead arms than to actually die on Christmas Eve _eve_. 

“It’s fine,” Renjun mutters, as another occupied taxi passes him. “Please just have some food ready. I’ll be home soon.”

It’s ten minutes later of unsuccessful taxi-hailing that Renjun decides to just walk home. It’s only a twenty-minute walk, he computes, and if he quickened his pace, he just might reach home in time for the Spider-Man (the Tobey Maguire version) marathon on HBO. Nevermind his aching arms and jelly legs, Renjun isn’t Renjun if he’s fazed by the cold gusts of wind biting at his face and the heavy plastic bags that could very well be actual gym weights weighing him down. _Psh._ Easy.

Right before he turns the corner, however, someone snatches the bags from his left hand, and _thank heavens_ their parents are classic Asian parents who almost want nothing to do with their children unless they’re overachieving kids who juggle academics, piano lessons, ballet, _and_ taekwondo. His black belt’s finally coming in handy. 

Exhilaration quickly runs through his nerves, and without a second thought, Renjun gets into a fighting stance and throws a spinning hook kick at the stranger’s direction. (Thank you, Kun _sunsaengnim_.) When the stranger groans and bends in agony, Renjun forcefully takes back the bags and mentally loads up some profanities to send his way. (Thank you, Ten hyung.)

But before he could even get the first curse out, realization dawns on him in the most dramatic, most climactic, most _horrible_ way. Because the stranger is pleading for Renjun to stop, and the voice registers faster than it did 30 minutes ago. “Wait, wait, wait!”

“What the _park_?! Yukhei?!!”

Yukhei pauses from groaning, blinking back at him. He replies weakly, “Hi, Renjun.”

“Are you…” Renjun moves forward and examines Yukhei’s lip, which is obviously busted. _Damn._ Renjun’s many talents can really be burdensome sometimes. He finishes the question still, for the lack of anything else to say, “Are you okay?”

In lieu of a verbal reply, Yukhei smiles with too many teeth (which hurts him, obviously) and gives him a thumbs up. Renjun sees Yukhei struggle to hide his pain, so he does what he does best when Jisung or Jaemin (sometimes even Doyoung) does something stupid: he scolds him. “What were you thinking?! Why did you take the bags without saying hello?”

This surprises Yukhei, whose eyes immediately grow into the size of billiard balls. “I—I just thought you needed help. You looked like you were going to topple over with those three bags,” Yukhei says, taking the bags again. “So I—I just—”

Renjun raises a hand, cutting him off. “It’s fine. Come on,” he tries taking the bags from Yukhei’s grip, but is met with a shake of Yukhei’s head and a wave of his hand. Renjun gives in before digging for his handkerchief (He knew it would come in handy one day. Take that, Jisung!) in his pocket and handing it to Yukhei.

He can already hear Doyoung shouting his ear off for doing exactly what his profession’s trying to prevent, but he pulls Yukhei decisively. “Okay, wipe that blood on your lip with this, and follow me.”

 

*****

 

As they steer away from the crowd and into the alleys Renjun has memorized by heart, Yukhei walks quietly beside Renjun, his steps so light, one would think he were shorter than Renjun and not gigantic enough to bump his head on a traffic light.

“You know, I really appreciate you wanting to help me, but you really should’ve said hello first.”

Yukhei doesn’t say anything in response, probably still stunned from what such a tiny person (well, relatively-speaking) (Renjun isn’t _that_ small) could do.

“Does your jaw hurt?”

Yukhei replies with a low _no_.

“In case you’re wondering,” Renjun begins, looking up at Yukhei when they reach an intersection. “I’m taking you to my house. My brother’s a dentist. He’ll know what to do.”

Renjun feels like he’s talking to a wall—a huge wall with big, brown eyes, pouty lips, and a mop of brown hair. Yukhei’s current silence is a total contrast to the Yukhei he knows from uni, the boisterous sophomore usually thundering down the halls with his loud, infectious (Renjun has to admit this) laughter and his posse of equally loud and good-looking (Renjun has perfectly working eyes, he can’t deny this) friends. 

They’re acquainted, through Jaemin and other mutual friends, but not really friends, so Renjun figures belatedly that maybe he’s being given the silent treatment because he shouldn’t have dropped honorifics. “I mean, I’m really sorry. And I’d really like to make it up to you… hyung.”

“Oh— _oh_. Just Yukhei is fine,” the wall finally stammers out. Well, that completely _doesn’t_ explain the silent treatment. (Renjun still refuses to admit that it was because of the kick. It was partly his fault, anyway. And he can’t blame him for having good reflexes.)  Yukhei continues, “Yes, it’s totally okay. I mean, if I’m not bothering you or anything. I-I can really fix this—” Yukhei points at his lip “—myself.”

“Really? Well, I’ll be on my—”

Renjun begins to walk away, but Yukhei cuts him off hastily. “B-but if you insist. This could get infected if not given the proper treatment, y-you know. Yeah. So… your brother’s a dentist?”

  

 *****  

  

Renjun doesn’t get home in time for the first Spider-Man movie.

“I told you to get some groceries, not a walking lamp post.” Doyoung emerges from the kitchen just as they were taking their shoes off at the doorway.

Renjun simply says, “This is Yukhei. I know him from uni. He helped me carry the groceries home.”

 “Boy, what a gentleman you are.” Ten stands up from where he was sitting comfortably on the couch. Renjun spots the end credits of Spider-Man 1 already rolling on the screen. “I’m Ten, Renjun’s— _whathappenedtoyourlip_?”

“I, uh, I kind of…”

“Please don’t tell me you did that while you two were making out beside cereal boxes,” Doyoung practically begs, as if _that_ would actually happen, pulling out the first aid kit from the cabinet beside the TV.

“Oh? Is that what happened?” Ten looks back and forth between Renjun and Yukhei, amusement visibly dancing in his eyes.

If the accusation were true, and it is _not_ , Renjun knows he wouldn’t hear the end of it until he was seventy.

“God, what do you think of me? A raging hormonal teenager who can’t pick up some carrots without sucking a boy’s face? What kind of movies have you been watching,” Renjun says exasperatedly, yanking the grocery bags from Yukhei and storming off to the kitchen. When he’s out of sight from the three of them, he pinches himself for picturing _that_. He didn’t even pass by the cereals.

Renjun calls out, “He’s just a friend!” when he hears Ten interviewing Yukhei.

 

 *****  

 

**lucas [7:03 pm]**

oh my god

you WONT GUESS WHOSE HOUSE IM AT RN

 

 

**hyuck [7:03 pm]**

motherfucker

THATS THE SECOND TIME TODAY

 

**yangyang [7:03 pm]**

hyuck, it’s actually sad that you’re still playing that game

and good job lucas

for ur excellent use of whose

wru????

**lucas [7:04 pm]**

hUANG RENJUN’S

**yangyang [7:04 pm]**

WHAT

 

**lucas [7:04 pm]**

I AM AT HUANG ENJUN’S HOUSE

 

**hyuck [7:04 pm]**

lucas

what did i say about resorting to stalking

 

**lucas [7:05 pm]**

*RENJUN

no

we walked together :’)

long story

im ded

 

*****

 

When Renjun comes back to the living room with a glass of iced tea, the TV is on mute and Doyoung’s hands are framing Yukhei’s face. Ten looks on with worry written all over his face. 

“Well, luckily, the kick wasn’t that hard if there isn’t much pain.” Doyoung narrows his eyes at Renjun. “All of your teeth seem to be in tact, and your jaw’s thankfully not misaligned. But I’d still like to check, so come by the hospital on the 26th if you can and we’ll get an x-ray. I could prescribe you some Ibuprofen later if it ever does hurt before I can check. But that—“ he points at the side of Yukhei’s lip “—is definitely going to bruise. So what really happened?”

Guilt finally hits Renjun. It makes his sweet lemon tea taste bitter. “I kind of, uh.” All eyes land on him. “I kicked him.”

“You _what?!_ ”

“What kind of kick was it?!”

Doyoung and Ten react simultaneously.

“Okay, I’m sorry, again,” Renjun says pointedly at Yukhei. Then he turns back to his brothers, who have contrasting facial expressions etched on their faces. “In my defense, I thought he was a thief, okay. And I did the kick only to stun, not to break his jaw. I had perfect control, I didn’t actually mean—”

“Uh, it’s not his fault.” 

When no one says something, Yukhei reiterates, “It’s not his fault. I scared him. He has really good reflexes.”

“See.” Renjun plops down on the couch, offering Yukhei his iced tea. “And I brought him to the best person I know who could fix him up. I’ve done my job as a good citizen of this nation.”

Doyoung rolls his eyes, Ten’s still mildly amused, and Yukhei smiles into the glass before taking a sip.

“So, Yukhei, would you like to stay for dinner?” Doyoung rises, stowing away the kit.

Renjun side-eyes Ten (who’s already got a coy smile sitting on his lips), telepathically telling him to say anything, literally _anything_ , other than—

“Would you like to stay forever?”

“Oh my god, hyung—“

“I would if I cou—“ Yukhei cuts himself off, his hands hovering over his mouth. If Renjun knew any better, he’d think Yukhei was blushing. 

Doyoung and Renjun turn rigid, whereas Ten continues being an ass, “I like you, Yukhei. You should date Renjun.”

The remark resolutely sends Yukhei into a fit of giggles, and Renjun doesn’t know if he should feel offended. Yukhei catches Renjun’s gaze and fakes a cough. “I mean, I-I should get going. I wouldn’t want to impose.”

“My brother kicked you in the face.” Doyoung eyes Renjun. “Impose all you want.”

“Come on, hyung,” Renjun intercepts. “His family’s probably waiting for him.”

“Actually,” Yukhei begins, putting his hands on his lap like he were about to take a class picture. It actually makes him look small. “I, uh, I live alone. My family’s in Hongkong.”

Something shifts in Yukhei’s gaze, but it’s gone the moment it comes, and Renjun doesn’t dare point it out. Doyoung sees it, too, though, and nods in understanding. “You’re welcome to have dinner with us, then.”

Yukhei immediately catches Renjun’s eyes, as if searching for approval. Doyoung elbows Renjun—and he has no idea when and how he got here—but before he could say anything, Ten practically _gallops_ to Yukhei’s side, and takes him by the arm. “Come on. Believe it or not, Doyoung makes amazing _samgyetang_.”

  

*****

 

By the time they finish dinner, Renjun has officially missed the Spider-Man marathon.

But, surprisingly, he isn’t particularly disappointed because Yukhei proves to be a good alternative source of entertainment.

Renjun never imagined how funny losing your T-money card could be until Yukhei’s animatedly telling the story of how _he_ did, and how he had struggled to explain in broken Korean that he didn’t know it wasn’t single-use. Renjun sees Ten watch Yukhei with a glint of adoration that he usually only has reserved for Renjun, which would make him jealous if only he didn’t feel the same thing.

Watching Yukhei talk is like watching a six-foot tall puppy do tricks. Renjun can’t stop himself from smiling, and he most definitely can’t make himself look away.

Unlike Ten, Doyoung’s expression is unreadable, though he doesn’t stop himself from laughing occasionally at Yukhei’s wild hand gestures. 

“Thank you for the meal.” Yukhei bows after he’s put his shoes back on. “The _samgyetang_ was unlike anything I’ve tasted before, hyung,” he beams at Doyoung and kisses his fingers one-by-one, the same cheesy way only a chef from a TV show would. “Delicious!” 

“My pleasure,” Doyoung says, followed by a tight lipped smile. “It’s the least I could do for the boy my brother kicked in the face.” 

“Are you sure you don’t want me to drive you home?” Ten asks, already grabbing the keys from the cork board. Renjun violently shakes his head _no_ , prompting Yukhei to decline politely again. 

“It’s only a fifteen minute walk. I think I can manage. But thanks, Ten hyung.”

“It’s the least I could do for Renjun’s future boyfriend.”

Ten winks, and Renjun contemplates whether it’d be justifiable for him to practice his roundhouse kick on him.

 

*****

  

It is seven in the goddamn morning and someone’s at the door. 

Renjun _is_ a morning person, but it should be considered inhumane to wake up before noon on Christmas Eve day. There’s just a certain laziness that comes with the holiday cheer, like the anode and cathode of a supersized festive battery, and nothing, not even Doyoung’s kimchi fried rice, can get his butt out of bed right now.

But when the doorbell shrieks for the third excruciating time, three things are clear: whoever’s at the door has no perception of what is right and wrong, his brothers are definitely not budging, and Renjun has to answer the goddamn door himself.

“Speak, before I kick you,” Renjun threatens once he comes face to face with the devil incarnate. “Again.”

“Why are you in your pajamas? And did you really just wake up?!”

Jaemin, visibly displeased (the _audacity_ ), bulldozes his way in, a half-awake Jisung in tow. 

“It is ungodly o’clock in the morning.” Renjun groans, shutting the door and making a face that mirrors Jaemin’s aggravation. “What are you doing here ruining Christmas Eve morning?”

A dumbfounded look falls on Jaemin’s face, sighing in defeat as he lets himself fall on the couch and letting go of Jisung who stumbles over. “I can’t believe you forgot.” 

Renjun would ask, but he’s still struggling to keep his eyes open and he’s sure that he’s going to be informed of what he’s forgotten in the next three seconds.

“That video game sale in Gangnam?!” Jaemin jerks up, surprising Jisung who had just found refuge on the edge of the couch. Poor boy.

"Oh my god why is everyone shou— _oh_. Morning, kids. Breakfast?” Doyoung joins them, bedhead and robe lazily draping over his shoulders. 

“Accept my love, hyung.” Jisung follows Doyoung into the kitchen, escaping Jaemin’s clutches. He has always been the strongest and tallest among the three of them, even though he’s the youngest. But he’s still a wimp. 

That leaves Jaemin and Renjun alone in the living room, and tension cuts through the air. 

“Are you going to get ready or not?”

Renjun really doesn’t want to go all the way to Gangnam right now, so he firmly says, “No. I’m not coming.”

“What?” 

“I said I’m not coming.” Renjun crashes onto the sofa, face-first. He cuddles the throw pillow, burying his face further into the cushions.  

“So this is how you’re going to be, huh?” Renjun doesn’t feel like talking anymore, so he doesn’t. Jaemin whines, “Renjun-ah! You promised! Don’t you remember?”  

Renjun remembers vividly. But if anything, he was _blackmailed_ into promising that he would go with Jaemin. But Renjun couldn’t care less whether Jaemin released his ancient ballet photos now or not. He just wants to sleep. 

“Okay. You leave me no choice. Now, where’s my favorite tiny blue Smurf?”

When Renjun looks up, Jaemin’s eyes are trained on his phone, fingers scrolling rapidly.

“What?! I thought—" 

Renjun attempts to snatch Jaemin’s phone away, to no avail. The devil incarnate is smiling, the sweetest, most shit-eating grin he could muster. Renjun questions why he’s friends with him.

“You underestimate me, Junnie. I have years of ammo waiting to be released.”

“You would not!”

A storm is brewing: Renjun feels it with the way Jaemin’s looking at him right now. His gaze says _try me_ and although Renjun usually wouldn’t miss a chance to get on his best friend’s nerves, it is too early for Renjun to fight him so he would really rather _not try_.

“Alright, alright. You win. I’ll just go—“

Renjun gets cut off by the sound of their doorbell. He never knew how annoying the sound actually is until today. He considers bashing it with a hammer.

Doyoung shouts from the kitchen, “Injun, can you get that? My hands are full and I’m expecting Yuta today, remember?”

What greets Renjun at the front door is not, like what Doyoung had been expecting, Doyoung's boyfriend. 

Yukhei, the boy whom Renjun kicked square in the face last night, clad in a denim jacket over a white hoodie, stands gingerly outside of their apartment. He looks down at Renjun, and probably notices the dinosaur print on his pajamas, because he is suddenly biting down on his lip, probably suppressing a laugh. 

“Good morning, Renjun.”

What’s so good in the morning when the universe and everyone he knows have conspired to make his morning even more stressful than it already is?  

“Uh, morning.” Renjun crosses his arms, feeling smaller in his oversized pajamas. “What are you doing here?”

“Wong Yukhei?” 

Renjun feels Jaemin hovering behind him, boring holes on the back of his head. 

“Oh, Nana? Hi!”

"Yo!” Jaemin greets him, then they do the dude-bro thing boys always do where they shake hands and do an awkward side half-hug. Renjun backs away. “Good to see you. But since when did you and Injunnie here get friendly enough for you to be knocking on their door at 7 in the morning?”

Renjun doesn’t try to restrain Jaemin because, honest-to-goodness, Renjun wants to ask the same thing. Because although he _did_ enjoy listening to Yukhei’s stories last night, Renjun doesn’t think that’s enough for their relationship (or lack, thereof) to skyrocket overnight. Clearly, they’re still _just_ acquaintances.

“Oh, yeah. I just—“ Yukhei smacks his lips, evidently struggling to get words out. His pupils fly from Renjun to Jaemin then back at Renjun again. “My groceries, I left them—“

“I think he’s looking for these.”

Doyoung approaches them with two plastic bags, both filled with junk food and both definitely do _not_ belong to this household. Doyoung makes sure their consumption of anything with preservatives is at a minimum, always having ready-cut apples and melon in the fridge and other healthier alternative snack choices, even though Ten absolutely hates fruits. Renjun thinks Ten only says he hates fruits because he hates being told what to eat.

“Thanks, hyung,” Yukhei smiles, arm reaching for the bags in between Renjun and Jaemin, whose eyes are now bursting with curiosity.

“But how did… his groceries,” Jaemin whips his head from the bags to Renjun, “ _your_ house—and _hyung_?” He looks at Doyoung, fingers forming air quotes. “Wha-what am I missing here?”

The explanation is at the tip of Renjun’s tongue, but just as he’s about to open his mouth and as if things couldn’t get any more confusing for Jaemin, 

“Yukhei? Did you come back to ask for Renjun’s hand in marriage?”

The smile on Ten’s face is enough to convince Renjun that he committed treason in his past life to be suffering this much.

 

*****

 

Somehow, all six of them were able to fit on the dining table originally meant for three people, elbows touching uncomfortably and laughter bouncing off the walls. Jaemin and Jisung have been over for breakfast, lunch, and/or dinner many times so their presence is as natural as Renjun finding chips underneath Ten’s bed, but what surprises Renjun is that Yukhei, the new _temporary_ addition to the bunch, doesn’t stick out like a sore thumb either.  

Renjun somehow finds it unnerving how easily Yukhei fit into their dynamics. But he doesn’t question it. 

“Hyung, and I say this for the common good of everybody, you should really put Injunnie on a leash so he could stop trying to murder people." 

Jaemin’s keenly aware that the comment would warrant a smack on the head so when Renjun does so, he didn’t attempt to dodge before laughing and resuming to dig into his rice bowl. 

Yukhei had guffawed, much louder than everybody else, and Renjun narrowed his eyes at him. The older immediately lowered his head, as if hiding behind his bowl were possible with his size. 

Renjun decides then that he likes this newfound power. 

 

 

When Renjun gets out of the shower and finishes getting dressed, Yukhei hasn’t gone home.

(Somehow, Renjun doesn’t mind.)

All of them, save for Doyoung who’s already cooking up a storm in the kitchen for tonight’s Christmas Eve feast, are now scattered in the living room as Home Alone plays on the TV. Renjun ends up sitting beside Yukhei at the far end of the couch.

Somehow, the proximity makes Renjun nervous. And boy, is Jaemin enjoying the sight of Renjun not knowing what to do with his hands or his feet or the bead of sweat rolling down his cheek.

“I thought you had a big sale to go to?” Renjun asks, not tearing his eyes away from Kevin Mccallister ruining the Christmas concert.

“Change of plans.” Jaemin claps his hands, startling Jisung who’s on the other end of the couch. How the four of them fit into their couch is beyond Renjun, but Ten really doesn’t like sharing his armchair, especially when he’s working on his laptop, so they’re left with no choice. “I’ve decided I like seeing you squirm more,” Jaemin whispers to Renjun, before announcing, “I texted Jeno and told him to go for me. He’s lining up as we speak.”

“You really need to stop leading him on.”

“How dare you, Jisung!”

Jisung shrugs, resorting to sitting on the floor instead. Jaemin adjusts his position, propping his feet on top of Renjun’s legs.

“He does have a point,” Renjun says. “The boy likes you, if you haven’t noticed. Would probably rearrange the stars for you if you asked him to.”

“No shit.”

Jaemin sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose. He really likes being dramatic. “Jisung, go to your room.”

Jisung merely scrunches his nose at Jaemin, while simultaneously high-fiving Renjun. Jaemin’s hand finds its way to Jisung’s cheek, much to the younger’s annoyance, and continues, “I’m not leading him on. I’m just—I’m just still figure things out. Besides…”

“I can’t take this anymore,” Ten interrupts, takes off his earphones, and finally joins the Torture-Jaemin party. “Jaem, honey, it’s been four months since we’ve been on about this. And I’ve seen your tweets. You like him, too.”

“And I’ve seen you two in the library,” Yukhei adds unexpectedly, eyebrows raised at Jaemin. “You don’t really get much work done, do you?”

Jaemin’s jaw drops, clearly shocked from the betrayal, and the living room erupts in laughter. Even Doyoung shouts _stop being so stubborn, Jaem!_ from the kitchen.

“Okay, okay. Can we stop talking about my feelings and non-relationships and shift our attention to the real pressing issue here?” 

Everybody waits for his response, and then,

“Yukhei and Renjun, how are we feeling today?”

 Kevin McCallister screams on the TV and Renjun almost wants to do the same.

“That’s it,” Renjun rises, pushing off Jaemin’s feet from his lap. “If you’re not leaving, I am. I’m going for a walk.”

“I-I, uh,” Yukhei raises his hand. Renjun barely stops himself from laughing at how _cute_ it is. “I’m meeting up with some friends later, so I should get going, too.”

The look Jaemin, Ten, and Jisung give them are malicious, and Renjun decides it’s best to just ignore them. 

(And when that didn’t work, he discreetly gives them the finger before heading out.)

 

*****

 

Their apartment’s proximity to Han River further affirms to be especially useful at times like this. When the apartment gets stuffy, and Renjun needs some room to breathe. More than the peaceful solitude he gets when he comes here, it doesn’t hurt that the view is pretty breathtaking. It’s a little chillier than usual, so Renjun regrets ignoring Ten’s suggestion to wear another layer.

“I’m sorry,” Renjun finally says when they’re a few feet away from their building. “Again. About your lip.” 

The side of his mouth has turned into a bluish purple color, and if Yukhei feels bothered by it, he‘s doing a good job at not showing it. Yukhei waves his hand. “It’s cool, man.” 

“Sorry about Ten hyung and Jaemin, too. They can get really…” 

“Nosy?” 

“I was going to go for annoying, but that works, too.” 

They walk to Yeouido Park quietly, settling into a comfortable silence Renjun rarely slips into so quickly with someone he’s not particularly close with, but Yukhei’s proving to be more and more of an exception.

“So…”

“So…”

A gust of wind comes just then, effectively surprising Renjun and sending goosebumps to his exposed skin. He hugs himself on impulse, already hearing Ten saying _I told you so_ when he comes back with a leaky nose. 

“Here.” He hears Yukhei say, and suddenly, his denim jacket is draped over Renjun’s shoulders. Renjun tries to shake it away, but Yukhei insists, squeezing Renjun’s shoulder before tucking one his left hand in his hoodie, the other swinging with his bags of junk food.

Jaemin has done this to him and Jisung lots of times, so the gesture isn’t exactly uncharted territory. But it makes Renjun’s heart twitch nonetheless, probably because he’s cold and his mind’s gone a little foggy. Whatever it is, Renjun refuses to dwell on it.

“Uh, so that was a pretty good kick. Did you get formal training?”

“I took taekwondo classes since I was young up until high school. You’re looking at Neo Culture Dojo’s youngest black belter.” 

“Oh, that’s cool.” Yukhei starts kicking and slicing through the air, startling Renjun and earning him a laugh. Renjun can’t count how many times he’s laugh in the last 12 hours because of Yukhei alone.

When he regains composure, Renjun says, “I know. I got my black belt faster than Jaemin and Jisung.” 

Yukhei pokes his bruise and winces. “Guess I have to be more careful around you.”

"You’re only catching on now?” Renjun snorts. “Anyway, you grew up in Hongkong, right? How long have you been in Korea?”

“I came here about a month since freshman year, so around a year and a half? It doesn’t feel like it though.”

“Really? Your Korean’s really. You must really be enjoying yourself.”

“I am.”

“And what’s your favorite thing about Seoul?”

Yukhei pauses, scrunching his eyebrows and looking as if he’s just been asked what the meaning of life is. Renjun realizes Yukhei does that a lot. “The food.”

“A man with a simple mind,” Renjun laughs. “That’s one of my favorite things about Seoul, too.”

“The weather’s nice. The people are nice, too. I guess.”

“You live alone, right? Did you come here alone, too?”

“I did. But I have a cousin who lives in Incheon. I’m actually spending the night there for Christmas.”

“Oh, that’s good. At least you’re not spending Christmas alone,” Renjun nods, making a mental note to tell Ten Yukhei’s not going to join them tonight. “So, do you miss home? I can’t imagine how difficult that must be. I can never imagine myself leaving _this_.”

“Hmmm, I used to miss it a lot. The first few months were definitely difficult. But I knew I wanted to leave Hongkong for college. And Seoul just had this certain pull on me, I just naturally gravitated towards it. So I’m here and I’m glad I stayed.”

This side of Yukhei is unprecedented to Renjun, so it shocks him a little. He nods and tries to string the information together.

Yukhei notices. “What?”

“I don’t know.” Renjun laughs, shaking his head. “It’s just new to me, seeing this side of you. It just seems a little too…”

“Pretentious?”

“I was going to go for cheesy, but we can go with that, too.” Renjun teases. 

“Hey, I’m a lit major for a reason.”

“But really, Seoul? I mean, I take pride in our food and culture, too, but out of all the places you could’ve gone to? You probably had a lot of other choices, right?” 

Renjun sometimes forget to put a brake on his mouth. “Sorry for prying. Was that too much?”

“No, no, it’s okay.”

So Renjun waits.

“Ah, well, actually,” Yukhei starts, rubbing his nape. “I, uh, followed a girl here.”

 _Bingo_.

“Don’t laugh,” Yukhei whines, but Renjun does.

“I’m sorry. It’s just—earlier, you were _so_ poetic about how and why you chose Seoul, and now you’re telling me you actually went because you liked a girl.”

“You make it sound so scandalous.”

“So? The girl? Does she go to our university?”

“Uh, it didn’t work out. And no, she went back to Hongkong six months later.”

“And you stayed because by the time you realized you didn’t like her, you’ve already found another reason to stay?”

Lucas stops in his tracks and it takes a moment for Renjun to realize they’re not side-by-side anymore. When Renjun looks back, Yukhei asks, “Wh-what do you mean?” 

“Kimchi fried rice?”

“Oh—oh yeah. Yeah, _that_.”

It takes Yukhei two steps to catch up, whereas it took Renjun at least four. “So what went wrong?”

“Guess we just weren’t meant for each other."

“You met her in high school?”

Yukhei nods wordlessly.

“Ah, see, that’s where it went wrong. High school relationships don’t last.”

“Speaking from experience?”

“From _observation_. I was too busy juggling academics, extracurriculars, and making sure my older brothers don’t gouge each other’s eyes out to worry about who I’m going to prom with. But Jaemin used to date this boy, and I vividly remember him saying he’s going to be with him forever. Then college happened, and they drifted apart. And then Jeno happened…”

“And the rest is history?”

“And the rest has yet to unfold.”

 

Yukhei takes out one of his gummy bears and offers some to Renjun. He says, “Alright, alright. I learned my lesson the hard way. But at the time, you know, it just felt right. I was dumb.”

“Hey, that’s part of life. You can’t beat yourself up for something you did when you didn’t know any better. And you were young and in love _in high school_. Of course, you did dumb things. But look at us now, right? We’re in college and—”

“We still don’t know shit?”

“Yes,” Renjun nods firmly. “See, isn’t that just as comforting as a cup of hot chocolate by the fireplace on a winter day?”

Yukhei shakes his head, but he’s smiling. Renjun can’t help but mirror it. “So you’re not going home for New Year’s?” 

“Not this year, no. I… kind of want to see how Seoul celebrates it, I guess.”

Renjun raises an eyebrow.

“And… I still have a shit ton of papers to finish.”

“Me, too. Maybe we could work together sometimes. I’m getting sick of Jaemin and Jisung.”

“That sounds great!” Yukhei twitches. “I mean, yeah. Sure, I could look into it. If I’m not busy, or anything.”

“Okay. You know where to find me,” Renjun smiles. “You know, this is nice. Making a new friend, talking to someone who’s not in my usual circle.”

And Renjun means it. 

“It is,” Yukhei smiles. “Thanks, Renjun.”

“I should head back. Sorry again, about the kick.” Renjun slips the jacket off his shoulders, and hands it back to Yukhei. “And thank you.”

“Anytime.” Yukhei waves as Renjun goes back the direction where they came from.

 

Renjun walks home with a distinctly growing warmth in his heart.

 

*****

 

Jisung’s butt is in the air when Renjun walks back into their apartment.

“Oh, hey, Rudolph. How was your date?” Jaemin asks him, right hand on a blue circle and left hand waving at Renjun.

Having walked in on them playing Twister around five times in the past month alone, the sight does not faze Renjun at all. _They hang out without him too much_ , Renjun had whined two weeks ago.

“It wasn’t a _date_. And can you please stop doing that?” 

“Come on, baby. We’re only on our second round. Don’t be a party pooper,” Ten pouts. “That’s Doyoung’s job.”

Doyoung, who’s the only one left with both hands free, slaps him on the butt, making the other wobble. And because his brothers have an affinity for putting the third law of motion into test, Ten kicks back with an equal fervor.

Sometimes, Renjun forgets that his brothers are professionals who provide him food, shelter, and the heating system currently thawing his freezing hands and nose.

Sometimes, he still imagines his mom padding down the hallway, a bowl of porridge in hand and a warm smile eternally plastered on her face. The crinkles in her eyes would be amplified and her laugh, that would ring in Renjun’s ears until he’s 19 and missing her, fills the entire house when she sees what Doyoung and Ten have done to poor, little Renjun whose face is full of makeup. 

Renjun was young when it happened, _way too young,_ he had heard his aunts say, but he remembers this vividly. He tucks it away in the back of his mind before it could start stinging his eyes.

“No, I meant,” Renjun slumps on the couch. “Stop teasing me with Yukhei. I don’t like things getting awkward. He’s _just_ a friend.”

“Yeah, and Chenle’s _just_ my lab partner.”

Jaemin drops to the floor, causing everyone else to go off balance and prematurely ending the round. “Hang on, you and Chenle?! Why have I never heard about this before?”

Jisung furrows his eyebrows. “No, I-I wasn’t trying to imply anything. I thought that’s how—I j-just meant Chenle and I—we work on Chemistry together and we’re just—“ He throws his hands in the air in defeat. “I think someone’s calling me in the kitchen, I better go check,” he announces and flees before anyone else has the chance to interrogate him.

“That boy worries me sometimes.” Doyoung shakes his head.

“Why are you out here, hyung? Is the food ready?”

“The pot roast is in the oven. The pork buns are steaming. These buns,” Doyoung points at his butt, “need some rest. And I thought for lunch maybe we could all—“

Doyoung’s interrupted by his phone, and he practically shrieks when he sees the caller ID. “Everybody, shush! It’s the LOML.”

Jaemin joins Renjun on the couch, bringing his knees close to his chest. He whispers, “Who’s the Luh-mohl?”

“Doyoung hyung is ancient,” Renjun chuckles. “He pronounces abbreviations as they are. Luh-mohl is _love of my life_ in old people language.”

It takes every last bit of Jaemin’s resolve to restrain himself from laughing. When he recovers, he scoots even closer.

“Did Jeno get the game you wanted to get?” 

Jaemin avoids Renjun’s gaze and reaches for Renjun’s hair, patting it down. “Yes, and no.”

“Please expound.”

“We wanted the same thing, but they only had one copy left. So I let him have it under one condition.”

“And…?”

Jaemin rarely gets shy, but when he whispers, “I get to come over whenever I want to play it,” Renjun sees his ears go red. 

Renjun scoffs, “Yeah, that’s the _only_ reason you want to come over.”

“I told you, I still have some things to figure out,” Jaemin says firmly. “Anyway, you and Yukhei are really _just_ friends?”

“Yup.”

“Well, to you, maybe. To Yukhei… doesn’t seem like it to me.”

“What are you sayi—“

Renjun stops when his eyes fall on Doyoung, who’s no longer on the phone and looks like he’s about to cry. And Doyoung _never_ cries. At least never in front of Ten. 

“What happened?” Ten approaches him.

“That…” he stares at his phone with knitted eyebrows, as if it suddenly looked foreign in his hand. “...was Yuta.”

“Did something bad happen?”

“H-he’s not coming anymore.”

 

And the dam bursts open.

 

*****

 

It was in February of last year, a week into his two-week college reunion cruise, that Doyoung had called home ecstatic about meeting _someone_. 

It had taken all of Ten’s and Renjun’s combined charm and nagging power to convince Doyoung to go, to let himself take a break, after working in full throttle since graduation. Ultimately, he agreed to go after Renjun threatened to go on a sugar strike, bringing home bags and bags of chocolates, gummy bears, and every tooth-rotting food he could find. Doyoung’s worst nightmare.

“He has the most impossibly perfect smile I’ve ever seen.” Renjun could practically hear his brother’s gummy smile through the receiver. “We really hit it off, and I know it’s only been a week and you know I really hate that Jack and Rose bullshit—“

“Hyung, don’t joke about that,” Renjun warned, knowing full well how that story ends.

“Okay, I’m sorry, but there aren’t any icebergs in the Pacific, you know that, right?

“We’re hanging up,” Ten joked.

“The point! The point is, this could be it. I really like him.”

“There’s one problem though.” Doyoung pauses, dramatically, like he always does. “He’s from Japan.” 

“Well, then, we trust your judgment. Don’t do anything stupid, though.” Ten had feigned a sigh, but Renjun saw the smile on his face, obviously happy that their dense brother has found _someone_. “It was nice knowing you. I’m excited to never see you again.”

“We’re happy for you, hyung,” Renjun reassured him. “Don’t worry about us too much. We’re holding up okay. We’ll come visit you in Japan.” 

“I’m still coming home next week! The house better be spotless!

They met Yuta a month later, and they all got along well, too.

 

It almost felt too good to be true.

 

*****

 

The tiny window between Christmas and New Year’s has always been especially uneventful for Renjun. It’s his favorite time of the year because it’s when he truly gets time for himself.

Jaemin and Jisung would always go home for Chuseok, leaving right after Christmas day; Ten would always work late nights at the bakery to make the holidays’ tight delivery deadlines; and Doyoung would do double duty at the hospital where he specializes in maxillofacial surgery.

 _You have no idea how many people break their jaw over the holidays. It’s insane_ , Doyoung once told him.

After their gloomy Christmas Eve feast on account of Doyoung’s boyfriend dumping him _over the phone_ on _Christmas Eve_ ( _what kind of asshole does that?!_ Ten had helpfully provided), Renjun half-expected that there would be a shift to the uneventfulness this year. Or at least, that Doyoung would wallow in his sadness and take a day off. That Renjun would get a chance to help his brother ease some of the hurt.

But when Renjun woke up on Christmas day, a handheld telescope sat underneath their Christmas tree, there was breakfast laid out on the table, and Doyoung was already slipping into his shoes at the door. His eyes were red and swollen, probably from crying all night, and he tries to hide it with a cap (which Doyoung would have to take off in the hospital anyway). Renjun had tried to comfort him, offering to sleep next to him till he feels better (which Doyoung always did for Renjun whenever he got sad), but he merely smiled and excused himself before heading to his room.

“Are you sure you’re okay to go to work, hyung?”

“Mama didn't raise no quitter, thank you very much,” his older brother said, with remarkably less Doyoung quirkiness in his voice before kissing Renjun on the cheek (which he doesn’t try to dodge) and heading off to the hospital.

Renjun has had his fair share of nursing broken hearts, though most of them weren’t his. He had been there when Jaemin had broken off his relationship with his high school boyfriend, and he had held Jisung’s hand when the younger realized that his color blindness would crush his childhood dream of becoming a pilot.

In this department, however, where the broken heart says it’s okay the very next day after taking a huge blow, Renjun doesn’t have much experience. Jaemin and Jisung get sulky when they’re hurt and Renjun knows how to handle them. Doyoung, however, does not. At least, not in front of Renjun.

He desperately wants to help his brother, but Renjun’s at a crossroads and he has no idea which path to take. 

When he told Ten (who leaves for work a little later) that Doyoung had gone to work, he simply nodded. “I’ll see what I can do.”

It’s been three days since Christmas, and Renjun still lives off of reheated leftovers from their Christmas Eve feast. 

Doyoung and Ten either leave very early and come home too late that Renjun’s already asleep, they haven’t had a chance to sit down and have a proper meal together ever since that dinner. So Renjun’s initial plan of talking to Doyoung about it has been unfruitful. 

He figures, the best thing he can do now is to be ready when the dam decides to open up again.

In his lonesome, Renjun has slipped into a routine. Without Jaemin or Jisung to bother him, he has made excellent progress on schoolwork. In the afternoons, he’d take a break and go out—a definite must—for a jog, or to grab some snacks, or take a stroll along the Han River like he always does.

The quiet comes in tiny waves and increments, but the calmness it brings is enough to temporarily tame Renjun’s constantly whirring mind. It’s his favorite way to recharge.

This morning, a text from an unknown number stops Renjun mid-bite of his cereal.

 

**unknown [7:38 am]**

hi renjun! it’s yukhei

I was wondering if u wanted to hang out today?

if ur upto it :)

 

 

                                                 **renjun [7:41 am]**

                                                                                                                                                                      hey yukhei

                                                                                                                                                 how’d u get my number?

                                                                                                                                   but sure, let’s meet up around 11?

                                                                                                                                        dy hyung’s food is amazing but

                                                                                                                                                  i’m tired of leftover food

 

 

**yukhei [7:42 am]**

from doyoung hyung actually lol

i went to see him for the xray yesterday

cool! I know a place :)

my jaw’s fine btw

 

                                              **renjun [7:44 am]**

                                                           good to hear

                                                              sorry again

 

**yukhei [7:44 am]**

it’s fine really

stop saying sorry

u sound like super junior

 

                                                    **renjun [7:48 am]**

                                                                    Oh my god

that joke

might have to rethink that lunch date now

 

**yukhei [7:48 am]**

???

 

                                                      **renjun [8:21 am]**

                              lol jk! Let’s meet up at that bike rental place in yeouido park?

 

**yukhei [8:22 am]**

lol okay sure

see you!!!

 

*****

 

The place Yukhei knows is the same Chinese-Korean restaurant Ten always drags them to for his monthly fix. But Renjun doesn’t share this information with Yukhei and quietly follows him in. 

“This… this is so good,” Renjun hums, eyes fluttering close. This isn’t the first time he’s tasting their _jjampong_ , but it surprises him nonetheless, in a way that nearly knocks him over. That’s when he’s sure it’s good food.

“I know, right?! I look at it, and my mind says, okay, it’s just jjampong. And then I put it in my mouth,” Yukhei slurps, closes his eyes. “And it’s like… a spoonful of Narnia.”

When some of the broth dribbles down Yukhei’s chin, Renjun full-on cackles. He really is like an overgrown excited puppy. Renjun reaches for a napkin and habitually wipes at Yukhei’s chin, like he would with Jaemin or Jisung. Breathless from laughing, he says, “I will tolerate you talking with your mouth full because that was a spot on description, my friend.”

Yukhei titters, choosing to stuff himself with more noodles. 

Renjun’s not sure how long they’ve been there and how long he has spaced out when Yukhei slightly nudges his side. “You okay?”

“Very much so. That was really good.”

“Kind of lost you there, though.” Yukhei lifts his can of cider, not bothering to transfer the contents to the glass of ice in front of him. “You have a lot on your plate.”

Renjun knows he isn’t referring to the pan-fried dumplings.

It hasn’t been long since Yukhei has become part of his life, but Renjun feels compelled to tell him the truth. “How was Doyoung hyung yesterday? Did things go well?”’ 

“He was very professional and everyone seems to adore him. He looked really cool in his white coat, and I-I felt cool by association.”

“Did he seem particularly sad? Or was he like when you first met him?”

Yukhei contemplates this for a moment without pushing why Renjun had thrown such question. “He was… pretty normal, I guess. Nothing significantly different.”

“Okay,” Renjun says, eyebrows knit. “Sounds just like him.”

Instead of prying, Yukhei shoves a dumpling into his mouth.

“You’re not interested to know why I asked?”

This catches Yukhei off guard. “I am. I just—I didn’t ask just in case you didn’t want me to. It’s none of my business anyway, and I respect that. But if you want to talk about it…” 

Renjun regards Yukhei for a second. He’s always been a good judge of character, and as Yukhei looks back at him with his big brown eyes, Renjun makes a decision.

“Alright, but promise this stays between the two of us,” Renjun says as gently as he could. And then, “or I will _actually_ break your jaw.”

There’s petrified look on Yukhei’s face for a moment, and then it’s replaced with mirth. “Our friendship is founded on threats and violence, you know that? But I’d never want to get on your bad side, so my lips are sealed.”

 

(“You and your brothers really have the voices of angels but the tongues of demons. I’m glad I’m your friend,” Jaemin had once commented.)

 

“Well, for starters, his boyfriend broke up with him on Christmas Eve.”

Yukhei only nods, doesn’t snicker nor make a snide remark. He just nods, and Renjun appreciates that. So he continues,

“And he just won’t open up. He’s one of the strongest people I know, that’s true. But he keeps everything bottled up. I’m scared. The stronger he wants me to see him, the more worried I am for him.”

Yukhei searches for his words carefully. It’s the most serious Renjun has seen him. “Have you tried talking to him about it?”

“I don’t see him as much these days. It’s pretty busy at the hospital.”

Again, Yukhei nods. “But what if he’s actually okay?”

“I’ve thought about that, too.” Renjun bites his lip, takes a swig of his cola. “But think of it this way — as if it were a car crash. So, do you know how old cars tend to remain intact after a crash almost like nothing happened? Whereas cars today, if you’ve noticed, are designed to be more lightweight and to actually deform on impact. Kind of like that soda can you’re holding. Are you following?”

“I think so,” Yukhei says, eyebrows still knit.

“Now, even if the old car looks unharmed, hard build and all, the chances of the passengers surviving the impact are… slim. The impact would be unbearable for the fragile human body. On the other hand, the person in the modern car…he’d have a better chance of surviving,” Renjun says, “Because the car was built to absorb the force of the impact. And although it has other elements, like airbags, it has one distinct feature. Crumple zones. Spots where the force is supposed to go, so that only little of it actually hits with the passenger.”

“What I’m trying to say is, a little damage is okay. Showing some of the cracks that the heartbreak has caused him wouldn’t make him any less of the strong person we know him. I just wish… he’d let us see the crumple zones. Help us see where it hurts, you know?”

“That was a good and unexpected analogy. You’re very…smart.”

Renjun looks at him incredulously. “Really? That’s your takeaway?”

Almost instantaneously, Yukhei says, “Sorry. I was still trying to process the information, my mouth just couldn’t wait. I think the best way is to talk to him, still.”

“I know, but I can’t catch him…”

“Like you said, he’s a strong person. Maybe this is his way to cope. Maybe he’s just looking to distract himself right now. I would, if I were him.”

This conversation has been the most helpful one Renjun’s had about the unsettling feeling in the pit of his stomach, so he doesn’t miss a beat in saying, “Thanks. That was actually really helpful." 

Yukhei grins, taking the last piece of dumpling and putting it on Renjun’s bowl. He murmurs, in a voice so low Renjun almost doesn’t catch it, “I’d do anything to help you.”

 

*****

 

They meet again outside Renjun’s favorite café the next day. Yukhei asks if there’s any progress with Doyoung, and Renjun tells him about the mango cheesecake Ten brought home last night, which made Doyoung smile. It’s his favorite after all.

“I thought he didn’t approve of sugar in the house?”

“He’s not like _that_ ,” Renjun emphasizes. “It’s _too much sugar_ he doesn’t like. And Ten hyung makes the best cheesecakes. He can never say no.” 

They easily settle into a table in one corner, laptops and papers already laid out neatly in front of them. Renjun cranes his neck, surveying the counter and checking if _he’s_ here today.

“I can order for us if you want.” Yukhei says, startling Renjun. “My treat.” 

“Are you sure? Because I’m not going to turn that offer down.”

Renjun tells him his usual order, Jasmine tea, and Yukhei heads to the counter. And that’s when Renjun finally sees him.

Cute barista boy smiles immediately at Yukhei, like a light had been switched on, and Renjun’s heart swells.

There’s a reason he keeps coming back to this café, and it’s not because of their tea.

Renjun doesn’t realize he’s staring till Yukhei pokes his side. “What are you looking at? D’you want some cake?”

"Oh no, I was just—it’s nothing.” Renjun feels the heat rise to his cheeks like he’s just been caught in the act of doing something he shouldn’t be doing.

Yukhei follows Renjun’s line of sight, but doesn’t push further. They work in silence for a while, with Yukhei typing furiously on his laptop and Renjun going through his readings for one of his elective classes. Unlike his usual firecracker self, Yukhei effortlessly focuses on his work. And unlike Jaemin and Jisung, he doesn’t pester Renjun every five minutes. He could get used to this.

A timid _hello_ interrupts their silence. Before Renjun knows it, a glass of Jasmine tea is placed in front of him, followed by Yukhei’s cup of hot coffee. “Sorry to interrupt,” cute barista boy says.

Renjun looks up and he swears cute barista boy’s eyes are sparkling. His black, soft (Renjun can only imagine) curls fall perfectly above his eyes and the apples of his cheeks are high as he presents his award-winning grin. Renjun almost forgets to breathe.

Renjun doesn’t try to suppress the smile that reflexively spreads across his face. “It’s okay.” He gives a final nod before he excuses himself.

Cute barista boy is only a few feet away when Yukhei asks, “You like him?”

A hit on Yukhei’s chest comes Renjun’s swift reply. “Lower your voice.”

“You do. You like him.” Yukhei whisper-shouts his epiphany. But there’s an abrupt shift in his mood. 

“Can you speak a little louder? I don’t think they heard you in Busan!”

“Sorry,” Yukhei says. “But… what do you like about him?”

“Well, he’s cute.” Renjun says, straightforward. If Jaemin were here, he would’ve agreed. “Don’t you think so?” 

Yukhei scrunches his nose. “I don’t see it.”

“Are you kidding? Just look at him. I mean, look at that smile. His teeth are—“

“What is it with your family and teeth,” Yukhei deadpans. “His teeth are okay. I have nice teeth, too. Your brother said so.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Renjun waves him off. “He has nice eyes, too. I-I just think he’s cute.”

Yukhei doesn’t respond, and Renjun kind of regrets being so obvious. Subtlety really isn’t Renjun’s strong suit. “What? Is there anything wrong with that? Me liking boys?”

“Nooooo, no, of course not!” Yukhei waves his hands in the air. “It’s cool! It’s totally fine. Really fine.” Yukhei coughs. “I like boys, too.”

This comes as a surprise to Renjun, but he doesn’t show it. “Then I don’t see what the problem is.”

“He’s just not my type.”

Renjun’s interest is piqued. He cocks his head to the side. “Then what’s your type?”

The questions flusters Yukhei immediately. He opens his mouth as if to say something, but he doesn’t. He averts his gaze, training his eyes to his laptop screen. “D-didn’t we come here to study? Go back to your problem sets.” 

Yukhei buries himself in his hoodie, and Renjun realizes the only intimidating thing about Yukhei is his height and the rest of him is as delicate as a fortune cookie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so who do you think cute barista boy is?
> 
> this is the longest fic I’ve ever written yet (and it’s not even finished D:) so I appreciate you reaching this far! 
> 
> kudos and comments are highly appreciated! <3 
> 
> or you can talk to me on twitter/curiouscat: mrgoldensuh


	2. Yukhei

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in case it doesn’t click righht away, this is written from yukhei’s pov c:
> 
> bold and italicized sentences are in mandarin.

_Sufrir y trabajar._

 

It is shameful, Yukhei admits, that this is the only piece of information that he retained from his Asian Literature class today. And it is sad that he only remembers this because it is a phrase (Yangyang later argues that it’s a complete sentence) that perfectly aligns with his current pitiful state.

They are back at the café, him, Renjun and Jaemin, all huddled in the corner near the entrance.

Yukhei’s failed attempts at focusing clearly manifests on the screen in front of him, Word document still blank, aside from his name, student number, and **SOUTHEAST ASIAN LITERATURE** in big, bold letters in the middle. 

His Pomodoro timer has long been forgotten, and Renjun and Jaemin seem to not notice him completely tuning out, wanting to pull his hair out. 

He takes a careful look at Renjun, whose pen moves rapidly across paper, completely engrossed in his work. It doesn’t help.  

For the most part, their setup is easy.

Like Yukhei, Renjun doesn’t talk much when working (he can’t say the same for Jaemin, but he does seem uncharacteristically quiet today). They work together, peaceful (excluding the times Renjun would suddenly lean over— _too_ close—to take a peek at Yukhei’s laptop and Yukhei’s heart would go into frenzy).  

Yukhei enjoys this—being able to interact with people not in the same major as him yet somehow still relates with the toll the workload is taking on him. He likes talking to Renjun; likes it when he gets fired up discussing Physics concepts with him, even though Yukhei understands only half of it most of the time; likes it when Renjun, in turn, listens to him gush over a piece he found interesting or worry over a paper he’s not sure is good enough yet.

He gets to be with Renjun, _and_ get work done. High yield study dates are always a win-win.

Except—

Their drinks are being served and Yukhei sees Renjun’s eyes shoot up. _Again._

It is unfair, Yukhei whines in his mind, that even when Renjun’s glimmering eyes and his saccharine smile aren’t directed at Yukhei, it still has the same debilitating effect on him.

 

*****

 

_Yukhei doesn’t remember when and how he got in this deep, to the point where he finds even the birthmark on Renjun’s right hand endearing, but he vividly remembers how it began: the student council’s annual sem kickoff party and a handful of gummy bears._

_It’s technically a party catered especially for incoming freshmen, but Hyuck was part of this year’s ad hoc committee and he hustled Yukhei at the last minute to be part of the sober committee._

_Hyuck didn’t thoroughly explain what Yukhei would have to do, only reminding him that he wasn’t supposed to drink. It became clear later on that it was his job to make sure no one died from intoxication, no one puked on the equipment, and no one made decisions bad enough for them to drop out of college before it even started._

_It was somewhere between 9pm and the third guy Yukhei had to drag out of the comfort room that a boy in a neon yellow sweater stumbled towards him._

_“Want some jellies?” said neon boy, cheeks red from the alcohol, holding out his hand._

_By then, Yukhei had attended enough parties to be cautious when accepting food from strangers, especially the cute, deceivingly innocent ones._

_And man, was blushing neon boy adorable._

_“I think I’ll pass.” Yukhei smiled, shaking his head—which was a bad idea._

_Because neon boy pouts on impulse, the creases on his forehead prominent and lips curved down to a frown. “I’m just trying to make friends.”_

_Yukhei couldn’t resist then, so he took one to humor him and held up the gummy bear. “This is how you make friends?”_

_“I-I don’t knowwww,” neon boy sighed, stumbling closer to Yukhei. “I fink I lost my friend.”_

_The sight almost turned Yukhei’s legs into jelly. He grabbed neon boy’s elbow, helping him regain balance, which was an easy feat because he was much smaller compared to Yukhei. He resisted the urge to coo at him. “What’s your friend’s name?”_

_“J-Jae“—neon boy burps—“min. Na Jaemin.”_

_“And what’s your name?” Yukhei shouted twice, blushing neon boy not hearing him the first time._

_“I,” neon boy pointed to himself, “am—schleeepy.”_

_Neon boy’s knees folded and Yukhei caught him just in time._

_“Injun?”_

_A guy in a silver jacket, like a charming burrito, grabbed neon boy’s arm then. He groaned, “I told you to take it easy!”_

_It took a few seconds for the guy to realize his friend was attached to Yukhei; neon boy’s face currently passed out on his chest._

_“Oh shit, I’m sorry. He has low tolerance,” he reasoned, not making a move to remove his friend from Yukhei. “I’m Jaemin, by the way. I’m—oh, oh yeah. Let me help you with that.”_

_Jaemin easily carries neon boy’s small frame on his back, expertly slotting his hands beneath neon boy’s thighs and swiftly standing back up. “Thanks,” he said, flashing him a smile._

_Yukhei would later find out that neon boy’s name is Huang Renjun, Physics major, freshman. In contrast to his best friend Jaemin, the more outgoing one of the pair, running against Hyuck as Mr. Congeniality, and intoxicated Renjun who gives out gummy bears from his clammy hands, sober Renjun is more reserved._

_But there was something about him that constantly intrigued Yukhei, and he knew he was not going to be able to not see him anymore._

_Theirs is one of the biggest campuses in Seoul, yet Yukhei always noticed him. In the halls, at the cafeteria, in the library, at other parties, even in places outside of school._

_It’s like one of those things that once it’s been pointed out to you, it’s suddenly all your eyes can see. And man, did Renjun’s presence demand Yukhei’s attention._

_He was always with Jaemin, and Jaemin always said hello. Renjun would always just nod politely. But Yukhei felt his heart hammer its way out of his chest every time._

_It was a happy crush, alright._

 

*****

 

“Thank you,” Renjun says, soft. And Yukhei wants to roll his eyes. _He’s just doing his job,_ he wants to remind him. But he can’t. He wouldn’t. He purses his lips. 

“Have a good day,” the barista replies, hugging the tray to his chest. Yukhei pettily hopes some of the coffee spilled and stains his pristine white shirt. 

But it doesn’t. And Renjun is still smiling.

“Way to be subtle,” Jaemin scoffs, judging. “Just go there and introduce yourself if you’re going to be like that.”

Part of Yukhei wants Jaemin to continue, but another part, a bigger part, wants to interfere because in the short time he has gotten close with Renjun, he is sure about two things: (1) He doesn’t back down on a challenge and (2) *no one can _ever_ resist his charms.

 

(*No one pertaining to Yukhei.

It’s been two weeks since classes started and he takes every chance he gets to spend time with Renjun.

So he keeps saying yes whenever Renjun asks him to study out, even though they have completely different classes, even though he knows they’ll go to the same café, even though Yukhei suffers internally each time.

It is funny, Hyuck never fails to remind him, the way Yukhei whines about having to endure it each time, but never having enough courage to say what he wants to say.

 _It’s better like this,_ Yukhei would say. At least they’re getting to know each other without having to put the pressure on Renjun to reciprocate or reject his feelings.)

  

“It’s not the right time,” Renjun counters, returning his attention to his Calculus homework. Yukhei releases the breath he’s been holding, relief flooding his nerves.

The tap, tap, tapping of his fingers on the table catches Renjun’s attention. “Yukhei, please.” So he mutters a _sorry_ , puts his headphones back on, starts the timer, and begins typing away.

Yukhei hopes that he remembers more from the class and _hopes_ that Renjun doesn’t gather the courage to confess before he does.

 

*****

 

The sound of his ringtone jolts Yukhei awake.

He fumbles for his phone, checking his bedside table, under his pillow, between his sheets. When he finds it underneath his bed, he doesn’t bother to check who’s calling, which is a horrible idea, because once he puts it close to his ear— 

“HAAAAAAAAAPPY BIRTHDAYYYYYY” Yangyang bellows, elongating the syllables, and follows up with fake trumpet noises.

Yukhei is used to it by now, but he still groans, not in a celebratory mood just yet after his sleep has been disrupted. 

Unfazed, Yangyang continues to sing happy birthday in Mandarin, and although Yukhei swears he would send an atomic bomb to wherever Yangyang was if he could, he’s grateful.

“Thanks, Yang,” he chuckles. “Maybe next time hold off on the trumpet noises.”

“It’s not a proper greeting without the trumpets,” Yangyang reminds him, a laugh tailing his sentence. “Alright, so tonight—“ 

Pans clanging in the kitchen.

Yukhei jerks up, hand already searching for the baseball bat he keeps underneath his bed. “I’ll call you later. I think there’s someone in the kitchen.” 

He doesn’t give Yangyang a chance to respond and throws his phone on the bed, crossing the threshold with light, muted steps. 

Why does he always wind up in sticky situations on the special occasions. 

Yukhei is _sure_ he activated the security alarm last night, there is no way that someone would’ve brok—

“Taeyong hyung?”

_Of course._

His cousin spins around with the pan of scrambled eggs in his hand, gracefully tapping the end three times, before turning his back on Yukhei again. 

“You’re up early.”

“You’re trespassing,” Yukhei points out, no actual bite to it. He settles into the table, not bothering to tame his bedhead hair, and digs into the bowl of steaming seaweed soup already laid out for him.

“It’s not trespassing when I know the code,” Taeyong hums, turning off the stove and procuring a plate of fried rice (Yukhei was too busy rubbing the sleep from his eyes to spot where it came from).

His cousin places the fried rice in front of him, and skillfully transfers the fluffy, boat-shaped egg on top. Taeyong smirks, wagging his finger at Yukhei.

”I’m not finished.” His cousin pulls out a paring knife and requests, “Drum roll, please.”

Taeyong has always been one for theatrics, especially in the kitchen, and he always liked going over the top, only to shrivel in regret and embarrassment a second later when he realizes how corny he probably looked. 

But he does it anyway. 

Yukhei obliges, excited, even though he already knows what’s about to happen.

Taeyong cuts through the egg in one calculated yet swift move, and it opens up to reveal its glistening glory. Amazement erupts inside of Yukhei’s chest and he doesn’t stop himself from hollering.

It’s one of those things that just never stop being fascinating.

Taeyong takes a ladle full of demi-glace sauce, which Yukhei _knows_ his cousin made from scratch as well, and drizzles the egg with it. 

“The finishing touch,” Taeyong announces, sprinkling a good amount of _aonori_ on top.

And it looks nothing short of divine. 

“Birthday boy’s favorite. Eat up, _baobei_.”

There are advantages to having a cousin who loves to travel—random knick knacks from different countries, an endless supply of intercultural stories—but when the cousin also loves to cook and learn different cuisines, now, that’s a straight-up Platinum Gold VIP perk. 

Yukhei ignores the term of endearment, even though he’s told Taeyong many, _many_ times that he’s not his baby cousin who used to run around in diapers and with dirt on his face anymore, and rounds the table, pulling Taeyong into a hug.

“You only hug me when I cook you food,” Taeyong says when Yukhei pulls away, pout evident in his voice.

Yukhei takes his first bite and he’s convinced  heaven is a plate on Earth.

  
  
*

 

“What’s this?” Yukhei giddily takes out the box from the paper bag, cheeks starting to hurt from smiling too wide.

“Bugs,” Renjun jokes because the lid is transparent and it is a stupid question to ask. But Yukhei is too happy to be thinking and the cupcakes are _too_ precious, he can’t possibly take a bite out of them. He should Google if there’s a way to preserve them for a hundred years. 

“They’re cupcakes, you dumbass! I made them myself.” Renjun raises his chin, proud. His lips break into a smile. “It’s my gift to you.”

“Y-you did?”

“Not bad, huh? I used Ten hyung’s recipe. It’s chocolate and red velvet, with a little kick,” Renjun winks. 

“A kick? What kick?” Yukhei feigns worry, backing away slowly, alluding to their encounter in December.

Renjun rolls his eyes. “There’s bourbon in the cream cheese frosting. To make your boring life a little exciting.” 

Yukhei doesn’t pay the jab any mind because he is just happy, _too happy_.

When Renjun had texted him an hour ago asking if they could meet, Yukhei practically floated along the halls to the cafeteria. And now that Renjun’s handing him cupcakes that _he_ made himself _for Yukhei_ on his birthday, his soul officially leaves his body and ascends to the heavens.  

“You’re the best.” 

Yukhei looks Renjun in the eyes, right at him, and he searches for something, _anything_. A glimmer of hope, a hint of reciprocation. But Renjun breaks it off before it even begins and with a laugh, he waves Yukhei off.  

“Pssh, tell me something I don’t know.”

 

_Well, for starters, I like you. A lot._

 

But Yukhei chooses to stay mum and puts the box back into the bag before Hyuck’s grubby hands could find it.

 

*****

 

“Take a video, it lasts longer.”

Jaemin elbows Yukhei, almost causing his beer to come out his nose. It stings nonetheless. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Yukhei deflects, setting his beer down and internally commanding his heart to take it down a notch. 

For his birthday, Hyuck has booked a karaoke place for them and took the liberty of gathering Yukhei’s close friends, _including_ Renjun and Jaemin. 

 _Because I got your back,_ Hyuck said, winking at him.

Hyuck, Renjun, and Yangyang are currently busting out their own rendition of _Sobangcha’s_ ‘About Last Night’ complete with choreography.

And if there’s anyone to blame here, it’s Renjun. How can someone look that cute dancing and singing to 80’s pop music while tipsy?! It simply does not make sense. 

“You, uh, you should’ve brought Jisung.”

“Nah, he’s sleeping over at Chenle’s tonight. Said they have a project to finish.” Jaemin shrugs and Yukhei belatedly realizes that Jaemin’s comfortably leaning on him. “Besides, he’s not allowed to drink yet.”

“Oh, so have you cracked him yet? You know, with the Chenle thing?”

“No, but I’ll get there.”

“Please have mercy on your brother.” 

“Hey.” Jaemin narrows his eyes at him. “You’re just as invested in it as I am.”

“How about you and Jeno?” 

This catches Jaemin off guard, causing him to _actually_ choke on his beer. “Hey—“ 

But Yukhei’s phone vibrates in his pocket and he excuses himself before Jaemin could counterattack.

“Hey, mom.” Yukhei rests his back against the wall, eyes plastered to the floor.  

“Hi, did I interrupt something?”

“No, no, it’s okay,” Yukhei says, smiling, even though she doesn’t see him. He misses her voice all the time. “Hi.” 

“Hi, _baobei_. Happy birthday. Have you eaten? Did you have a good day?”

Yukhei remembers the cupcakes at home and his smile grows wider. “I had a fantastic day, mom. And yes, we had hotpot. And Taeyong hyung cooked me breakfast. So don’t worry.” 

“I’m not,” Mom tries to play it off coolly, but her 10 texts today say otherwise. “Good thing you have Taeyong there. You’re eating well, right?”

Yukhei decides not to tell Mom about his usual grocery list. “I am, mom. Don’t worry. Taeyong hyung makes sure I always have side dishes in my fridge.”

“That’s good to hear.” Mom’s voice is soft, as always. “Sorry we couldn’t be with you, love. Did Hyuck…?”

“I knew it,” Yukhei chuckles, realization dawning on him. This place is too pricey for the rent to solely come out of Hyuck’s allowance. “Yes, mom, we’re out at the karaoke place right now.”

“Oh, just the three of you?”

“No, no. Hyuck invited some other friends from school, too.”

“That’s good. I know it’s Saturday tomorrow, but take it easy, okay?”

In Mom language, Yukhei knows it means _don’t get too smashed or you’ll regret it._  

“Yes, mom.” He nods, thinking about how many beers he’s actually had. “Is dad…?” 

“Oh, he—he’s still at the office.” 

He checks the time on his phone. _10:28pm._ “But it’s late.”

“You know how he is.”

“Is he still upset about…” Yukhei dawdles, not really wanting to open up the topic but— 

the _Happy Birthday, son_ text he received this morning was a bit too cold for his generally exuberant dad who sent Yukhei endless emojis when he discovered how to use them. Dad had insisted that Yukhei come home for New Year’s, but Yukhei had already made up his mind by then and Dad wasn’t completely thrilled about it so,

—the topic is just begging to be opened.

“He just misses you. You know him.” 

“Tell him I miss him, too.” Yukhei transfers the phone to his other ear when he sees Hyuck walking towards him. He whispers, “I miss you, mom.” 

“I miss you, love. You’ll come home soon, right?” 

Hyuck hands Yukhei a can of beer, sly brows arched high. “Yes mom, I promise.”

“Was that…?”

“No, no, no. That was mom.” Yukhei opens the beer, and the sound of it fizzling is enough to get him excited again. “So you really thought I wouldn’t find out she paid for this?”

Hyuck smiles into the mouth of his can, taking a full swig. “Hey, I never said I paid for it. I just said I _rented_ it.”

“Semantics.” Yukhei shakes his head. “Where’s my gift then? Yangyang gave me socks. Renjun baked cupcakes for me. I thought you were supposed to be my best friend.” 

Had it not been for Hyuck, Yukhei is certain he wouldn’t have found their classroom for their Intro to the Study of Asian Civilization class freshman year. Though he studied Korean months prior, Yukhei still had trouble conversing in Korean then, but Hyuck had come to his rescue. And since then, he, along with Yangyang, has been there with Yukhei, helping him and sometimes roping him into his extracurricular activities. 

“Hey.” Hyuck pushes his shoulder lightly. “My gift for you is over there, waiting for his turn to sing some fucking ballad because apparently he has the voice of a fucking angel, or something, and you’re about to miss it.”

Yukhei can’t help but smile. “You’re crazy. But, okay. That’s a pretty rad gift.”

“The bestest. So, you like him a lot?” 

Yukhei hesitates. “Maybe. Yes. A lot.” 

“Tell him then.” 

Yukhei cocks an eyebrow. “We’ve been over this. You know it’s not that easy. Especially now.” 

“But you like him.” 

“You sound like a broken record, you know that?”

“You sound like my uncle Taeil. _Record_ , really?”

Yukhei throws his hands in the air, beer sloshing to his hand. He can never really win against Hyuck. “Fine! Yes, I’ll say it one more time. I like him, but I’m just—just not ready to tell him yet.”

“Then I can’t believe you’re still out here when you could be inside and hear hi—“ 

Hyuck cuts himself off, squinting at something behind Yukhei. Yukhei turns around. “What is it?” 

“I thought I saw—nothing. It’s probably just the booze. Come on.”

  
  
*

 

**renjun [2:36 pm]**

can I ask u a favor

if only you’re not busy though

 **yukhei [2:36 pm]**                                                                                    

                                                    hi :)

                                     Sure go ahead

 

**renjun [2:38 pm]**

can you please pretty please teach me mandarin

I mean

just a couple of phrases

 

**yukhei [2:38 pm]**

                                          heck yeah!!

                                                 I mean

                         yeah, I could look into it

 

**renjun [2:41 pm]**

I knew i could count on u

you’re d second best!

(because u said im the best)

 

**yukhei [2:42 pm]**

                              what’s it for though?

                                           homework?

 

**renjun [2:41 pm]**

i’ll tell u later when u guys come over

see u ü

  
  
*

 

“Wong Kunhang.” 

“No, his name’s Wong _Yukhei.”_ Jaemin points at Yukhei with his fork, frowning at an overly excited Jisung who just came out of the bathroom.

It’s Saturday again and they are at Renjun’s house because Ten has some new cake flavors he wants them to try and he needs “ _an unbiased opinion”—_ aka he made too much cake and he needs someone to wipe them all out before Doyoung gets home. 

“No, no.” Jisung joins them at the table, where at least seven different flavors are laid out for them. Yukhei likes the bittersweet chocolate-almond cake the most.

“The barista from Café 520? That’s his name. If I remember correctly, he goes by Hendery too. Apparently, Chenle knows the owner of the café. Some family friend, I think.” 

Jisung looks at Yukhei before adding, “He’s half-Chinese.” 

It finally clicks. Café 520. He’s been pronouncing it in Korean and English all this time, when it’s actually supposed to be pronounced in Mandarin. 

_What a lame name._

He’s suddenly not in the mood for cake anymore. Because _that’s_ why Renjun asked him to teach him Mandarin. So he could talk to the boy he liked. Which is this Kunhang-Hendery-whatever boy. Not Yukhei.

At least Renjun could stop calling him cute barista boy. Hearing the nickname was starting to give Yukhei a rash.

“Oh,” is all that Yukhei manages to say. 

“So, will you?” Renjun tugs at Yukhei’s sleeve, and _god_ , those beautiful, brown eyes are shimmering again. _Is he a fairy?!_

“Uh,” Yukhei looks around the table. Jisung is sporting the exact same expectant look on him. Jaemin is unreadable, just staring back at him with crossed arms.

Is he upset that Yukhei didn’t immediately say yes?

When Yukhei finally agrees, Renjun throws his arms around him. He’s really giving Ten a run for his money because it definitely doesn’t get more bittersweet than this. 

“I just have one question, though. Since when did you know he was half-Chinese?”  
 

*****

 

“So… you ready?” 

Renjun adjusts himself on the bed— _Yukhei’s_ bed—and thumbs over the edges of his notebook. He hesitates, biting down on his lips as he reads the words he’s diligently written down. 

 **_“Hi, I’m Renjun. I-I come here a lot,”_ ** Renjun stutters, but presses on. The way his brows are knit and his lips are pursed— _determination?_ —looks endearing to Yukhei. He almost forgets why Renjun’s learning Mandarin for a moment. **_“What’s your name?”_ **

**_“Oh, hi, Renjun. I’m Hendery.”_ ** The name tastes like vinegar in Yukhei’s mouth. “ ** _It’s nice to meet you. I didn’t know you could speak Mandarin.”_ **

**_“I know just a little.”_ ** Renjun smiles. **_“I know this is sudden, but would you like to hang out sometime?”_ **

Renjun reads aloud, waiting expectantly at Yukhei who sits on the floor across him but never looking up to meet Yukhei’s eyes. He hasn’t seen Renjun like this before, nervous and looking unsure of himself. It takes a poke on his thigh for Yukhei to realize it’s taking him too long to reply. 

 **_“Sure,”_ ** Yukhei shoots back in Mandarin, extending his legs from being crossed like a pretzel. “And then… then you could try speaking to him in Korean. And just throw in some of the other phrases I taught you.”

Renjun nods, eyes studying his notes again. Yukhei leans his back on the wall and it’s only then that he realizes night has fallen. They’ve been studying conversational Mandarin for two hours, going back and forth with potential replies and possible answers. 

Yukhei doesn’t know why he’s trying this hard, helping the person he likes go after the person _he_ likes, but Renjun looks up at him just then, eyes tired but still twinkling in delight and Yukhei remembers why he put himself through this in the first place.

“How do you say ‘I like you’ again?”

This is torture. But Renjun is waiting, so Yukhei says it in perfect Mandarin, nice and clear. He wishes it were _this_ easy to say it. 

“Thank you, Yukhei.” Renjun rises, walking over to Yukhei and slinking onto the floor beside him. Their shoulders bump and there’s a spark in Yukhei’s heart. _Dammit._  “I didn’t know you’d be such a great teacher.” 

“You’re a quick learner.”

Renjun laughs softly, nodding, “It’s a skill of mine. You know, being good at everything.”

“Are you hungry?” Yukhei asks at the same time that Renjun yawns. He rests his head mindlessly on Yukhei’s shoulder, showing absolutely no regard for Yukhei’s palpitating heart. He sees his eyes shut close, lashes fluttering over soft cheeks. 

“What’s on the menu? Fritos and cola?” Renjun teases, fully aware of the state of Yukhei’s refrigerator (empty, save for soda and some eggs) and cupboards (an array of chips, jellies, and ramyun packets). “You should really get some proper groceries.” 

“I can’t cook, though,” Yukhei laughs, embarrassed.

“We can buy simple things, like fruits. We’ll get Jaemin to cut them for you. Never buy the pre-packed ones.”

Yukhei knows Renjun’s just being Renjun, sweet and thoughtful, and that he’d do the same for Jaemin and Jisung. But his heart swells nonetheless. “We?”

“Yeah, let’s go together.” Renjun picks at the loose threads on his pants. “Don’t worry, I won’t kick you this time.”

The allusion to their encounter in December makes Yukhei laugh, the memory always burning in the back of his mind, but in the best way possible. “I won’t snatch the bags from you without permission then.”

Renjun doesn’t respond, only titters and wrings his hands.

“Let’s just order in now, then?” Yukhei suggests, fighting the urge to stroke Renjun’s hair because it’s right _there_ and it looks _so_ soft. He opts to rest his cheek on Renjun’s head instead and hopes the boy doesn’t scoot away.

 

He doesn’t. 

 

Yukhei might die then and there. 

 

“Sounds like a plan.” Renjun buries his cheek into Yukhei’s sleeve, sighing contentedly. “Can we stay like this for five more minutes, though? I’m exhausted. 

“Take a nap on the bed. I can go to the couch if you—“

“No, no, it’s okay. Let’s just stay like this. If it’s okay with you. You’re the perfect pillow.”

Damn, he’s lethal. “No problem.” 

They sit quietly for a few moments, just their breathing and the distant sound of the city bustling outside filling the silence. It’s a good thing Renjun can’t see Yukhei’s face at the moment, because his cheeks are blazing and there is no doubt in his mind that he looks like a ripe tomato ready for picking.

“Yukhei?” Renjun tugs at his sleeve, voice cautious, like he’s waking Yukhei up.

“Yeah?”

Renjun lifts his eyes to meet Yukhei’s, blinking slowly, “Why are you so nice to me?” 

The question thoroughly blindsides Yukhei. Renjun doesn’t seem to notice that Yukhei’s panicking and continues to stare at him blankly.

Yukhei averts his gaze. “B-because you’re nice to me.” 

Renjun doesn’t seem convinced, so Yukhei adds, returning his gaze, “Because we’re friends.”

This seems to satisfy Renjun who nods and doesn’t probe further. “It’s kind of weird, though, you know? Didn’t really expect I’d become friends with you.”

“Really? Why?”

“I don’t know,” Renjun shrugs, looking away. “I mean, we’ve met. But with different majors, different year level, different group of friends, I don’t know. It just seemed unlikely.” 

“Well, it’s a good thing you kicked me then. Guess I never really met you till I got to know you.”

Yukheis pats Renjun’s knees, prodding the younger to look at him. “And I’m happy I got to know you.”

“Me, too,” Renjun smiles, baring his perfect teeth. “You’re not _so_ bad.”

Yukhei bites his lip, debating whether he should or should not say what he’s currently thinking. His heart wins. “You know what’s cool about you? You always seem so brave. And you always know what to do and how to do it.” 

“Heh, not always,” Renjun says quietly, hugging his knees close. 

Yukhei reads him instantly. “Are you nervous? About, uh, Hendery?”

“Yes, of course. I’ve never asked anyone out before.” 

“You haven’t?”

“Yeah, remember? No time for that,” Renjun waves his hand, like it’s no big deal. Like he didn’t just spent the afternoon learning Mandarin. 

“You can do it. You’re Renjun.”

Renjun scoffs, “Yeah, right.”

This is a side of Renjun unprecedented to Yukhei. “What? It’s true. I’m sure he’ll like you.” 

“How are you so sure?”

“Because I know you,” Yukhei says matter-of-factly. “And you’re smart and thoughtful. You can bake, you sing, you dance. You know self-defense. He’d be a dufus to not see that you’re a great catch.”

Renjun moves away, and it only hits Yukhei then what he’d just said. _Everything_ he’d just said is a red flag. But Renjun’s staring at him blankly again, and Yukhei wishes his floorboards were carnivorous so it could swallow him whole.

 

And then, 

 

“I can play the piano, too.”

 

Then Renjun erupts in laughter. Yukhei exhales the air he’s been holding, and laughs along with him.

“You think I should just send him my résumé? List down pros and cons of dating me?”

Yukhei nods, too earnestly, “See, you’re funny, too!”

When the laughter dies down and their breathing return to normal, Renjun punches Yukhei’s shoulder lightly. “Thanks, Yukhei.”

Yukhei waves his hand, _no big deal,_ and thanks the heavens he dodged that bullet. 

Renjun’s stomach growls, and they laugh again. There’s a tingling feeling in his chest, still, but Yukhei ignores it, pushing himself off the floor first. “Come on. Let’s feed that beast in your belly.”

  
  
  
*

 

**renjun [3:17 pm]**

heyyyyyyyyy heyheyheyyy

yukhei

r u there

**yukhei [3:18 pm]**

                                                  Hiiii :)                                                                     

                                             yes I am

                  I’m waiting for class to start

 

**renjun [3:18 pm]**

well r u sitting down?????????

 

**yukhei [3:19 pm]**

                                                      yes                                                                   

                              you’re scaring me…..

 

**renjun [3:19 pm]**

GOOD

because

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

hendery said yes

we’re going to see a movie friday

:’)

 

**renjun [3:31 pm]**

earth to yukhei

r u there

celebrate with me

 

**yukhei [3:33 pm]**

                  sorry, professor arrived early

                                       that’s great!!!!

                                          really great

                                  I’m happy for u:)

 

**renjun [3:34 pm]**

ur lunch is on me tomorrow

thank u yukhei <3

 

*****

 

Yukhei doesn’t reply. He also doesn’t tell him that Professor Kwon is actually twenty minutes late.

He knew this was coming, yet nothing could have prepared him for the sinking feeling he has in his stomach. Like he had been at the top of the rollercoaster for the longest time, he forgot about the inevitable drop.

There should be an escape button for this. For when you know the person you like doesn’t like you back and you’ve lost your chance. For when you know you can’t take it anymore and they could let you walk off uninjured. Let you forget about why you like the person so you could live life the way it was before it all went downhill.

Not a button that removes them from your life, per se, just a button that removes them and all the pain from your heart. 

Then his phone buzzes again.

 

**renjun [3:40 pm]**

thank you yukhei.

I really wouldn’t have done it without you :)

 

Renjun’s smile flashes in his eyes, and Yukhei _knows_ that even if the button were right in front of him, he would never have the heart to push it. 

But the universe insists on rubbing salt to the wound.  

Because when Professor Kwon finally arrives, she opens their class with the most _uplifting_ line from Great Expectations, 

“The broken heart. You think you will die, but you just keep living, day after day after terrible day.”

“Damn straight,” Yukhei mutters, opening his laptop and pretending to listen for the rest of the lecture.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there you have it, cute barista boy is hendery hehe yay (or nay because yukhei is a sad boi). sorry for hurting yukhei, but I promise it gets better. c:
> 
> thank you for reading! kudos, comments, questions highly appreciated.


	3. Renjun

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so, in reality, black panther came out on 02/13/18, a tuesday. but for this one we're just going to pretend it's a friday, okay? okay HAHA 
> 
> if you're a returning reader, thanks for coming back.  
> if not, then, welcome. I hope u enjoy this mess.

If a surgeon were to open Renjun up right now, he is certain that they would find live wires instead of nerves and a cosmic explosion waiting to happen in place of his heart.

His date with Hendery is in two hours and it is driving him insane. He paces around Yukhei’s living room, holding a printed scientific journal on harmonographs that he’s pretending to read.

From where he stands, he feels Yukhei, Jaemin, and Hyuck staring at him but he does not dare look.

But, Hyuck, his ever-helpful new friend, provides the gratuitous comment he doesn’t want to hear anyway. “What are you so worried about?”

“I thought you already oriented him on the situation, Yukhei,” Jaemin answers for Renjun, kicking Hyuck under the table in the process.

“Ow! I-I just don’t know what the fuss is about,” Hyuck shrugs, taking a Pepero stick from its box. Renjun doesn’t like being petty but that’s his Pepero. “It’s your first date, so what? Just be yourself.”

“It’s his first real date ever,” Jaemin corrects him, snatching the Pepero stick from Hyuck and shoving it into his mouth at once. “Not just with Hendery.”

“Ah, well, you should’ve made that clear, then.” He eyes Yukhei, who hides himself behind his laptop.

“I’m just nervous I’ll make a fool out of myself. And what about the awkward silences? What do I do then?” Renjun laments, completely giving up on his readings and sinking into the couch.

“It’s cliché, but Hyuck’s right,” Yukhei says, not looking up from his laptop, fingers tapping on the keyboard. “Just be yourself. Talk about Physics, or the Avengers or that cartoon show you really like.”

“Moomin,” Jaemin helpfully supplies.

“Yes, that. And if he thinks those are boring,” Yukhei pauses, finally looking up. “Then maybe you’re better off without him.”

Somehow, this tranquilizes the zoo in Renjun’s stomach and he takes his time to breathe. He’s thankful they’ve agreed to “study” with him while he waits for Hendery’s shift to be over; even more thankful now that they—or Yukhei—have given him the advice he needed to hear.

But the tranquility is short-lived because Hyuck throws him a question enough to jump-start his nerves again.

“What if he wants to kiss you?”

Renjun can only stare at him incredulously. Hyuck continues. “Hey, I mean, it’s possible. Would you know how to handle it?”

Renjun barely engages in skinship with people he isn’t close to, much less kissing. He wishes there were a Crash Course video on this.

“I-I don’t know. I never thought that far.”

Hyuck yelps, and sure enough, he’s rubbing his shin again. “Ah, well, you can just wing it.”

“Or maybe you need some practice,” comes Jaemin’s suggestion.

“Practice?”

“Yes, practice,” Jaemin stands up, shutting his laptop. “When was the last time you kissed someone?”

“Uh,” Renjun hesitates. He’s not sure he’s comfortable sharing his kissing history (or lack thereof) with Yukhei and Hyuck, but Jaemin is quick to catch on.

“Okay.” Jaemin claps his hands. “Just… just hear me out. It wouldn’t hurt to get your lips loose, you know, before the real thing.”

The implication in Jaemin’s voice is vague, and Renjun isn’t quite sure if Jaemin means what he thinks he means. So he goes straight to the point, “Are you suggesting that we kiss?”

“No, no, no. Oh God, no,” Jaemin shakes his head like Renjun had challenged him to drink gasoline. “I’m… unavailable. I thought, maybe, I don’t know…” Jaemin shrugs. “Yukhei should do it.”

“What?!” Renjun, Hyuck, and Yukhei blurt out simultaneously.

Jaemin only blinks back innocently. “What?”

“Why me?” Yukhei’s voice is small, and Renjun doesn’t know what to make out of it. But Renjun will never admit that the idea sent a jolt to his heart.

“Because I’m his best friend. I can’t do it. That would be weird,” Jaemin looks at Renjun, disgust drawn on his face, which Renjun mimics instinctively. Yes, _that_ would be weird. Jaemin walks to the fridge and pulls out a pack of melon he sliced himself. “And, like I said, I’m unavailable. Hyuck here, also can’t do it. He’s off the table.”

“What do you mean?”

Jaemin smirks after taking a quick bite, mischief evident in his eyes. “I saw him sucking face with Mark Lee the other day.”

“Mark Lee?!” Yukhei jerks his head. “Biology major, student council president Mark Lee?”

“Hey,” Hyuck leans back in his chair, crossing his arms. There’s a small smile on his lips, but he tries to play it off coolly. “It’s nothing. Don’t look at me like that. All judgy with your judgy eyes.”

Yukhei rolls his eyes at him. Then, as if he’d forgotten about the task at hand for a moment, he turns to Jaemin suddenly. “But that still doesn’t explain why it has to be me.”

“Because,” Jaemin walks over to Yukhei, squeezing both his shoulders, “you have experience, right?”

Yukhei nods, his face unreadable. Renjun struggles to make sense of Jaemin’s proposal, his mind already conjuring a list of pros and cons for the idea. The thought doesn’t particularly sit well with him—yes, Yukhei’s a good tutor, but up to what extent is he willing to find out?

“And you’re not seeing anyone, affirmative?”

Yukhei nods wordlessly again, brows knit.

“Then it’s settled,” Jaemin concludes, and Renjun wants to say _something_ but he doesn’t know what. “Here’s my proposal. Hyuck and I go out into the hall and you two—“Jaemin pauses, pointing at the both of them“—can do some… tutoring.”

Jaemin elbows Hyuck, causing the other to yelp, but he’s unbothered, “Hyuck do me a favor and interpret the face Yukhei is making right now.”

Hyuck scrunches his nose, eyes trained on Yukhei’s befuddled expression. “I don’t think this is a good idea,” Hyuck says slowly, as if he’s actually deciphering him. “No, this is a very bad idea.”

Jaemin all but smacks Hyuck’s shoulder, earning him a glare from the other. Hyuck stands up, palms raised high. “Honestly, I think this is a stupid idea.”

Renjun does not want to dwell on the disappointment he felt in his chest, because it's not the right thing he should be feeling, because he should really be actively protesting against it. It’s a bad idea, and he should probably say _something_ to stop Jaemin—

“But I’m not completely against it.”

Hyuck whispers, careful, and then looks at Yukhei so intensely, as if he’s trying to communicate with him telepathically, which, Renjun knows, is scientifically impossible.

“So, Yukhei, you up for it?” Jaemin is grinning now, and doesn’t bother asking for Renjun’s opinion on the matter, before bolting to Hyuck’s side. “I am going to assume your silence means tacit agreement. Let’s go, Hyuck.”

 

*****

 

“If… if you don’t want to do it, it’s fine,”

This is the kind of awkward Renjun never thought he’d feel first hand. It’s so awkward, it’s almost comical. Like it’s a scene straight out of a coming-of-age movie where the protagonist gets to finally be with their crush and they suddenly don’t know how hands are supposed to function.

Except—

Yukhei is just a friend, not a crush. This should not be _that_ awkward.

They’re both sat on the sofa now, claiming both the far ends of it as their territory. Yukhei hasn’t said a word since Jaemin and Hyuck gave them “privacy” and Renjun doesn’t know what else to do other than wring his hands, waiting for him to spit something out.

“I think…” Yukhei faces him for the first time, voice low. It reminds Renjun of the Yukhei from months ago, when they weren’t as close as they are now. “I think you don’t need practice.”

“It’s okay, Yukhei,” Renjun tries to say nonchalantly, ignoring the sinking feeling he has in his stomach. Chuckling, he continues, “You can tell me if you don’t want to. He probably wouldn’t want to kiss me, anyway, huh?”

Almost too quickly, Yukhei blurts out, “No! No… I mean, it’s not that. I want to help you, and you know I would if I could. It’s just… even if it’s just tutoring, I wouldn’t want to risk making things awkward between us.”

Yukhei looks at him with genuine concern, making Renjun cackle in spite of himself. “I know. It’s a stupid idea. Sorry Jaemin put you up to it.”

“I’d do anything to help you.” Yukhei inches closer, placing a comforting hand on Renjun’s knee. “But I don’t want you to waste your first kiss on me just like that. Especially if it could’ve been with someone you genuinely liked.”

 _That’s cheesy and overrated_ , Renjun wants to say, but the sincerity in Yukhei’s tone stops him from doing so. “I appreciate that.”

Renjun has read about kisses. He’s seen enough rom-coms with his brothers to know what and how it looks like. But he’s never really had the chance to try it, or even the chance to think about doing it. It’s not that he’s never liked someone before—he’s just never liked someone _enough_ to do something about it.

A part of him feels pathetic, that he’s at a position where Jaemin feels he needs kissing lessons (which he probably does), another part regrets not paying attention to this aspect of life earlier on.

(Although, if Renjun were to be honest, he wouldn’t have done anything differently.) 

“You know,” Yukhei starts, adjusting to face Renjun completely. “The part leading up to the kiss is just as important. I… I can teach you that. I think.”

Renjun’s throat suddenly goes dry. “Okay.”

“So, the thing is,” Yukhei shifts again until their knees are touching. “You probably won’t realize it’s happening until it’s happening. Like… when you’re daydreaming?”

Renjun tries to follow. “Okay?”

“He’ll probably… hold you like this,” Yukhei gingerly cups Renjun’s cheek then, his hand big enough to cradle it entirely. And Renjun shouldn’t feel anything, but he does. It’s impossible not to when there’s electricity shooting out of Yukhei’s fingertips. He stays still. “You could lean into it… if you want. And then he’ll probably—“ Yukhei’s thumb brushes over Renjun’s cheek “—do that.”

Renjun swallows, trying hard to keep his voice levelled. _Why is this weirder than it should be?_ “What do I do with my hands?”

“You can, uh,” Yukhei looks at him, right at him, in a way that nearly makes Renjun want to bolt. This feeling, whatever it is, is new. “You can put them around my— _his_ neck?”

“Are you sure you know what you’re doing?” Renjun quips, nervous, but places both hands around Yukhei anyway.

Yukhei swallows, “Y-yes. I think.”

“Okay. Then what?”

“You close your eyes,” Yukhei instructs, more calmly now, as his hands drop to Renjun’s hips. “And stop talking too much. Just let it happen.”

Renjun rolls his eyes, ignoring the warm feeling building up in his chest. He hesitates, closing his eyes only when Yukhei prods him the second time. “Okay.”

Renjun waits. They both sit still for a moment. Renjun’s hands around Yukhei. Yukhei’s hands on his hips.

 

Stationary.

 

And then—

 

Yukhei breaks the inertia and Renjun feels it. He feels Yukhei’s breath on his lips—so close, so warm, so _confusing_. He knows he’s _right there_  and he doesn’t dare move lest he closes the miniscule distance.

“He might,” Yukhei murmurs, and it’s so _close_ — it sends chills to Renjun’s toes, “brush your noses like this.”

And Yukhei does so.

So this is how it feels.

But Renjun doesn’t know what this feeling actually is. If he’s allowed to feel this. This is Yukhei after all. A friend.

All he knows now is that it’s electrifying—he feels goosebumps form on his nape, down to his arms. He feels his heart thump in his chest — the outburst almost too much for him to handle. 

The feeling is curious — Renjun does not know what to make of it — and it’s fleeting because Yukhei is shooting backwards in the next moment and Renjun is left dumbfounded. 

 

“Okay,” Yukhei claps his hands, standing up just as Renjun opens his eyes. Renjun is dazed, struggling to get his eyes to focus on anything other than Yukhei’s lips, but Yukhei doesn’t seem to notice.

“Lesson’s over. You’ll be f-fine. Just… just be yourself.” The words stumble out of Yukhei’s lips as he walks clumsily back to the dining table.

Renjun doesn’t dare question Yukhei’s reddened ears. “Y-yeah. Let’s call them back in before they get any more ideas.”

 

*****

   
“Hyung, can you come pick me up?”

It’s uncharacteristic for Renjun to ask Ten to drive him home, and it was unlike Ten to pick up on the first ring, but here they are, both making an exception.

“Why? Aren’t you on your date with that boy from the café?”

Renjun groans, tapping his foot on the grimy bathroom floor. The stall he’s in looks like an ordinary stall by all means, yet it is currently his only refuge in this bowling alley. Out there, Hendery is probably scoring another strike, with Xiaojun cheering him on. The thought is a reminder of his stupidity.

Before Ten could interview him any further, Renjun settles with, “Long story. I’ll tell you on the way home.”

“But why are you,” Ten grunts, and Renjun could tell he’s carrying something heavy, probably one of those multi-tiered cakes, “asking _me_?”

“Doyoung hyung’s phone is off and I kind of don’t want to tell Jaemin yet,” Renjun says simply. “You know I wouldn’t ask you if it weren’t really urgent, right?” And it’s true.

Ten concedes, promising he’ll be in front of the alley in ten minutes. Nevermind if his brother’s not the best driver, Renjun is desperate to get out of here.

 

“Why so soon?” Hendery asks, head tilted to the side, once Renjun returns and bids them goodnight. “Are you okay?”

“Sorry, I think I’m coming down with something. But I really had fun tonight.” Renjun smiles, changing out of the rented bowling shoes as quickly as he can. He throws a smile at Xiaojun’s direction as well, and Xiaojun reciprocates, passing Renjun his hoodie.

“Thanks for hanging out with us,” Hendery offers his hand when Renjun’s finished tying his laces, eyes bright and smile wide. He doesn’t know the effect he has on Renjun, which is unfair. Renjun feels his heart thumping out of his chest, embarrassment mixing with butterflies. “Let’s do this again sometime, when Yukhei is available.”

Renjun reaches for his hand. “Sure. I’ll text you. Or you can text me. Either way works.”

Renjun realizes this is the closest to skinship he’s ever going to get with him. Pathetic.

“ **Thanks, Renjun,** ” Xiaojun chimes in, just as the man in the other lane scores another strike. “ **It was nice meeting you**.”

“ **You, too** ,” Renjun manages to say. Fortunately, his phone rings then, and he excuses himself, mouthing a goodnight! before ducking out of the alley.

He never thought the day would come that he would actually go running towards Ten’s car, enthusiastic to be sitting shotgun. But here he was, sprinting towards the black Hyundai like his life depended on it.

  
*****

  
“Care to tell me what happened?”

Renjun has strapped himself in, hand wrapped tightly around the handle, ignoring Ten’s question. It takes him two blocks to realize that they haven’t run over a stray dog yet.

“You can drive?” He eases into his seat, hand dropping from the handle to his lap. “As in properly drive? Like a human being?”

Ten snickers, halting smoothly when they reach a stoplight. “You caught me.”

“What?!”

Ten drums his fingers on the wheel with a laidback ease. “I just got better at it,” he shrugs, and Renjun can only shake his head in disbelief. “I know, I know. I was planning to tell you but it was so amusing to see the horror in your face whenever I offered to drive you to university, I never bothered to correct the misconception.”

The betrayal. “Does Doyoung hyung know?”

“Well, yeah, he wouldn’t have let me get this car if he knew I was a road hazard, would he?”

Thinking back to all the times he’s turned down a free ride from Ten, Renjun can only laugh at the revelation, reclining his seat. He lets himself breathe easy.

“So… your date?”

The question is enough to catapult Renjun back to the very place he wanted to run away from. He covers his face with his arm, unwilling to drop the facade he’s been trying to put up the entire night.

“Well, Black Panther was great. Shuri was—“

“Shh, no spoilers!” Ten waves his hand. “And that’s not exactly what I want to know, you know?”

“It wasn’t a date,” Renjun huffs. “I thought it was a date, but it wasn’t.”

They reach another stoplight and Ten takes the chance to poke his side. “Please elaborate.”

“He, uh,” Renjun coughs, sealing his eyes shut. It’s one thing to think about it, it’s another to actually say it out aloud. “He thought I asked him to hang out as friends. So he brought a friend along. Then he asked why I didn’t have Yukhei with me. I had to lie and tell him Yukhei had baseball practice.”

“Yukhei plays baseball?”

“No. He plays basketball. I’m dumb.”

Ten stays mum for a while. Renjun takes a peek, and he sees him open his mouth before shutting it with a nod, like he’s thoroughly contemplating what to say. Then finally, “So he misinterpreted. It happens. It’s not entirely your fault.”

“But it is,” Renjun insists, sitting up abruptly, nearly choked by the seat belt. He adjusts it, before continuing, “And the worst part was, I felt like I was third wheeling. The way he looked at Xiaojun—“ he shakes his head “—it was so obvious he liked him. I sat there and kept wishing someone would just come and photon blast me to oblivion.”

“Xiaojun?”

Renjun sighs, “His friend.”

“So he likes his friend? How are you so sure?”

“Just… just the way he looked at him. And how he laughed at the things he said. His jokes weren’t even _that_ funny.“

“I’m so dumb,” Renjun laughs, but he feels hot tears build up in his eyes. Stifling a sob, he whispers, “I learned Mandarin for him.”

“Aw, my baby’s first real heartbreak?”

Renjun doesn’t miss a beat and slaps the back of his hand on his brother’s chest.

“I’m kidding.” Not tearing his eyes from the road, he grabs Renjun’s hand and with the softest voice, “It’s okay, let it out. Remember when I first got my heart broken?”

Renjun does because he was there to pick up the pieces. Ten used his prepubescent younger brother as a pillow for days, and Renjun couldn’t protest because he always bribed him with cookies. He could never turn down Ten’s cookies, and even ten-year-old Renjun knew that his usually effervescent Ten hyung crumbling was a sight he knew he wanted to help fix.

So it’s enough of an invitation for Renjun to continue, “And I wanted to hate him. I kept looking for flaws the entire night. But… he’s perfect. Good manners, doesn’t talk through the movie, laughs like a cherub.”

“Maybe that’s his flaw. He’s supernaturally perfect. Or maybe his feet smell.”

“Nope,” Renjun shakes his head, memory flashing to when they were changing into their respective bowling shoes. “Minty fresh.”

“You’ll get over him.” Ten says flatly, and Renjun tells him about how that doesn’t make him feel any less shitty now. He nods knowingly. “Do you want us to pick up some ice cream before we go home?”

“Doyoung hyung wouldn’t like that,” Renjun sniffs, freely letting the tears streak his face. Ten wordlessly offers him the Kleenex from the dashboard, making him cry some more. All he needed was his brother’s comfort and he’s willing to open himself up.

So when the convenience store comes into view, Renjun doesn’t deprive himself of the pleasure. “Chocolate fudge brownie, please.”

 

*****

  
It is nearing midnight when they arrive at their building’s parking basement, and Doyoung’s phone still cannot be reached.

“I’ll try calling Johnny,” Ten proposes, hand already reaching for his phone. Johnny, Doyoung’s colleague and friend, and by extension, Ten and Renjun’s friend.

“His phone’s off,” Ten announces just as they reach their floor. Renjun tails him sluggishly, hugging the bag of ice cream and graham crackers, excited to just crash on his bed.

When they turn the corner to their hallway, however, an unprecedented scene startles the both of them.

Doyoung, curled up in a ball in front of their door; Johnny, sitting next to him with a hand clutching his head; and an unfamiliar blonde, gently shaking Doyoung’s shoulders and desperately asking them _what’s the code._

Ten clears his throat. “What’s going on?”

The blonde man jumps to his feet, wide black eyes staring back at them guiltily. Though, Renjun has a feeling if anyone should feel ashamed, it’s his brother who, upon closer inspection, smells like he’d downed an entire beer brewery.

“They, uh, had a drink too many,” the blonde bites his lip, a hand rubbing the back of his head. “You must be Doyoung’s brothers.”

“In the flesh. And you’re...?”

Ten goes straight to Doyoung, his arms hooked underneath Doyoung’s armpits. Doyoung whines when Ten tries to lift him up, choosing to latch onto blonde man’s skinny calves.

“Uh, I own the bar they got smashed in.” Blonde man kneels to help Ten unclasp Doyoung from him. “I know them from uni. And, uh, Doyoung came by a few times this month. Usually orders only a glass of wine, though. Guess Johnny’s entrance made him more courageous.”

“Evidently,” Ten grunts, slumping back to the floor when Doyoung drags him down with him. He whispers, deadly, “I will leave you out here if you don’t cooperate and you know I mean it.”

Renjun takes this as his cue to unlock the door, discarding the bag onto the coffee table before going back out to haul Doyoung and Johnny in.

It takes all their willpower to drag Doyoung in, much more with Johnny who towers all three of them. When they’ve successfully taken Doyoung to his room, and Johnny to Ten’s (who will room with Renjun tonight), which was another feat in itself, they crash onto the sofa, with blonde man standing gingerly at the door.

For someone with exceptional features, Renjun has to admit, blonde man looks like a lost puppy with the way his eyes lowered when Ten sizes him up. It reminds Renjun of someone.

“I should, uh. I’ll get going. Goodnight.”

“Wait, wait,” Ten intercepts just as he’s about to reach for the door handle. “I didn’t catch your name.”

Mouth forming an oh, he stretches out his hand and smiles, “Lee Taeyong.”

  
*****

  
The morning after, Renjun wakes up to the smell of waffles, his childhood favorite.

The smell carries Renjun out of bed and into the kitchen, where Ten greets him with a kiss atop his head. “Good sleep?”

Renjun steals a waffle in lieu of an answer.

It’s only a few minutes later when Doyoung comes stumbling out of his room, announcing his arrival with a good ol’ _myheadfuckinghurts_.

“Here.” Ten hands him a green glass of goop that looks anything but appealing, and Doyoung’s face is already scrunched up in disgust.

Renjun quickly recognizes it: Ten has concocted his hangover elixir, a recipe he claims he learned from their dad. Ten has made it for Renjun once, for Doyoung a few times, and for himself far too many times for Renjun to remember.

“I hate this.” Doyoung pinches his nose before downing it in one go. “I’m never drinking again.”

Ten laughs at him before reminding him about how he said that the last time he got pissed drunk, which was three months ago. Doyoung buries his face in his hands. “Just give me my waffles, please.”

Doyoung’s pouring a sinful amount of syrup on his plate when he asks, “Where’s Johnny?”

“He was gone when I woke up,” Ten shrugs.

After taking a bite, Doyoung directs his attention to Renjun who already dreads the topic he’s about to open. “How was your date, Junnie? That was last night, right?”

Doyoung immediately spots the shift in Renjun’s mood, lilting his head to the side. Renjun knows he wants to, but Doyoung doesn’t pry, only gives Renjun a second helping of waffles without question and a hug for good measure.

But, truthfully, even if Doyoung doesn’t ask, Renjun itches to tell him what transpired, so he does.

Doyoung listens intently with worried eyes and Renjun feels like crying again. When he finishes, Renjun’s frustration and sadness somehow creates a ripple. They all dig in, finishing their plates in silence, a stark contrast to their usual breakfasts together.

Renjun recognizes that he’s lucky that his brothers are always eager to listen to his stories. The bond they’ve formed ever since they’ve been left to fend for themselves has gotten stronger over the years, and although there were times he’d wonder how life would be if their parents were still around, he’s more than satisfied with the affection and attention his brothers give him.

Likewise, Renjun always feels the need to offer whatever he can whenever his brothers are in a predicament. So, seeing as Ten isn’t trying to be an insufferable brat to Doyoung today, Renjun bravely opens up the topic about what happened last night.

The smile that immediately grows on Ten’s face indicates that he was just waiting for it to come up, and that he is equally intrigued.

“Didn’t we just talk about that?” Doyoung deadpans, eyes not leaving his fork.

“Let’s see. Wine means a tough day at work,” Renjun begins, waving his fork around to emphasize his point.

“Soju is for special occasions,” Ten continues.

“Sake is for, well, Japan… things.” Renjun is cautious, yet Doyoung still grimaces.

“And beer, especially beer with Johnny, means you had to get something out of your chest,” Ten finishes.

Doyoung rolls his eyes, and Renjun knows they hit the bullseye.

“So, hyung,” Renjun starts, gentle. “Do you want to talk about it with us? Your brothers? The best listeners in the whole wide world who love you unconditionally and irrevocably?”

Doyoung sighs in defeat, his eyes darting from Renjun to Ten. “It’s Yuta.”

Ten and Renjun mutter an oh at the same time. Doyoung keeps his head low, and continues, “I miss him. A lot. But I… I need to move on.”

At this point, Renjun drags his chair closer to Doyoung’s, placing a hand on his shoulder. Doyoung leans into his touch.

“I tried to keep myself distracted, but it’s just… it’s been tough.”

Even Renjun knows that the magnitude of his heartbreak can’t compare to the pain Doyoung must feel right now, so all he manages to do is croak out, “We’re here, hyung.”

Doyoung looks up then, squeezing Renjun’s hand on his shoulder. “I know. But I’ll be okay. I don’t know, I guess… I’ve just been trying hard to keep it in for so long. Last night was my breaking point, I guess.”

“Why? What happened?”

Doyoung laughs, bitter. Renjun sees the tears well up in his eyes. “It’s stupid. I was just… I was trying to clear out some space on my phone and I saw photos of us together when he visited a few months back.”

“Well, that was a stupid thing to cry about,” Ten jokes, earning him a light slap on his forearm. “But I probably would have done the same.”

Doyoung smiles, shaking his head. “I thought I was okay”—a sniff—“and that just made me realize I wasn’t.”

It’s a truth universally acknowledged that Renjun and his brothers are tough as steel. But when it comes to things they cherish and people they love, they melt like ice cream on a hot summer day.

“And did it help?” Ten hands him a Kleenex. “The beer and the Johnny?”

“Partially. If only I didn’t have this splitting headache, though.” Doyoung wipes away his tears, already stopping himself from shedding any more. “But elixir definitely helped. And this. Right here.”

Renjun laughs and Ten rolls his eyes at the cheesiness.

“So, kids, lesson learned.” Doyoung squeezes Renjun’s hand.

“Get a phone with bigger storage?” Ten teases.

“The heart is a fickle thing,” Doyoung counters. “And long distance relationships are a farce.”

“I would never,” Ten says. And Renjun doesn’t really have anything to add to that.

“What about helpful Mr. Blonde, though?” Ten brings up, cheeky, as Doyoung pours himself some water. “Taeyong, was it?” Ten adds.

Doyoung simply shrugs. “He’s a friend from uni. He owns the bar. We were the last customers, so he offered to drive us home.”

“Really? That’s it?”

“What?”

“I don’t know,” Ten hums, eyeing Doyoung. “I thought there was something going on there.”

“How is it that you put malice in everything? Is it a special skill?”

And Renjun remembers the way Ten practically threw Renjun at Yukhei when he first met him. They’re _just_ friends.

“We’re _just_ friends,” Doyoung says with finality.

“Whatever you say,” Ten sing-songs.

  
*****

  
“Really? You go on one date and you suddenly don’t know me, your best friend of eight years?”

Jaemin has his arms crossed outside their apartment, tone accusatory, and feet tapping impatiently on the floor.

Not quite ready to share the fate of his not-date, Renjun deliberately ignored all of Jaemin’s (and Jisung’s) calls and messages throughout the night. But he really should’ve known better, it’s Jaemin after all. So when Jaemin repeatedly rings their doorbell after they’ve finished breakfast, as if on cue, he defeatedly lets him and an apologetic Jeno in.

Thankfully, Ten and Doyoung stay out of it, and resume to wash the dishes, loudly, in the kitchen.

“Sorry.” Renjun crashes on the couch and puts a hand over his head. “I was planning on staying in bed and fermenting today.”

Jaemin sits on the floor beside him, stroking Renjun’s hair. He knows Renjun likes it when he does this, and Renjun hates when he takes advantage of his weaknesses, but not enough to swat his hand away. “Come on, Junnie. Was it that bad?”

“You tell me,” he says, looking up to find Jeno, who offers him a smile, quietly sat beside Jaemin. Renjun bitterly recounts last night’s events again, from the Xioajun to the thirdwheeling up to the point where he and Ten find Doyoung shitfaced at their door.

Renjun is winded after, and his listeners give the story the pause it deserves. “And you’re sure your pronunciation when you asked him out was precise?”

Renjun tries his best to give him a look that says _I will murder you,_ and the way Jaemin retreats means it came across successfully.

“Maybe he’s just not looking to be in a relationship right now,” Jaemin tries, cautious.

“Or maybe he’s just not into you.” Jeno says softly — like he’s sympathetically insertkng a knife through Renjun’s stomach. Jaemin elbows him.

Renjun has not considered this side of the story. That maybe Hendery intentionally brought Xiaojun with him because he didn’t want to be alone with Renjun. Maybe he was just being polite when he said yes.

The idea stings.

“What are you going to do now then?!”

Jaemins leaps up, startling both Renjun and Jeno.

“About what?”

“It’s Valentine’s day and you don’t have a date,” Jaemin pouts, clearly too invested in his best friend’s love life (or absence thereof).

Renjun completely forgot about that, to be frank.

“I’ve spent nineteen years of my life without one,” Renjun sits up, looking for the remote. He remembers seeing the ad on the Ocean’s series coming to Netflix, maybe he’ll binge watch that. “I’ll be fine.”

“Yeah, but I have a date,” Jaemin points out and Renjun swears he sees Jeno blush on impulse. “Jisung has a project to work on—“ he gestures air quotes on the words “—Ten hyung has to work and Doyoung hyung’s probably going out, too.”

“Actually, Doyoung hyung—“

“Sorry, bud,” Doyoung cuts in. “I have a thing to go to. But you can come with me, if you want. It’s this conference and—”

“No,” Renjun answers firmly, remembering the last time Doyoung tried to rope him into taking Dentistry. “I’ll just stay at home. Catch up on some lectures I need to transcribe.”

“You can come with us?” Jeno suggests, and Jaemin’s head snaps up, shooting him daggers. When he returns his gaze to Renjun though, his eyes have already softened up.

“Would you want that?” Jaemin asks with genuine concern.

“No. I would not like to third wheel, thanks.”

Jaemin attempts to hide it, but with a smile, he says, “Aw, too bad.”

Renjun thinks that’s the end of it, and he’s already logging into his Netflix account when—

“This won’t do,” Jaemin clicks his tongue. “Hold on for just one moment.”

Renjun opens his mouth to protest but Jaemin is already out the door.

“He’s so stubborn.”

And as if Renjun just said Jaemin is the one who holds the answer to the meaning of life, Jeno says, spellbound, “He is.”

Love makes Renjun want to barf.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for hurting renjun but I really wanted to explore his relationship with doten more and to see him dealing with the same thing yukhei feels SO. the pain is necessary. sorta. I also just didn’t want make hendery out to be a jerk, so if anything, the only villain here is unrequited love /finger guns/
> 
> so... how is it so far? is it too dialogue-heavy? is the plot going too slow? and did u enjoy the almost-kissing lesson?? (I hope u did.) pls tell me I want to know. 
> 
> thanks for reading! thank u also to drea and reena for holding my hand through this <3
> 
> p.s. the next chapter is going to be fluffy. really fluffy. im excite.


	4. Yukhei

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> are you ready for fluff

It takes a minute for the door to swing open.

 

“Oh,” Renjun smiles, soft. “It’s you.”

 

Hyuck, Yangyang, and Jaemin had reminded Yukhei, over and over _and over_ , to keep it together. And then there’s Renjun — burgundy turtleneck underneath a white button-down _underneath_ a denim jacket, brunette hair styled down in a way that makes him even more delicate, and the sweetest smile, his little dimple making an appearance — who is resolute on making Yukhei’s resolve crumble to dust by just standing there. It’s cruel. **_One_**.

 

Yukhei is a literary major with an extensive vocabulary. Hyuck calls him a walking thesaurus. But the only thing that comes out of his stupid mouth now is, "Wow."

 

Terrific.

 

"Wow?"

 

"I-I mean, y-yeah. It’s me. The date. I’m sorry it didn’t work out with Hendery.”

 

“I’ll tell you about it later.” Renjun eyes Yukhei who tucks his hands in his pockets and suddenly feels very self-conscious (another uniquely Renjun skill). Renjun looks down, regarding his own outfit. “Oh, man. We’re wearing the same thing. Almost. I should cha—”

 

“No, no.” Yukhei catches Renjun’s elbow. “You look perfect. I mean—you look good.”

 

He makes a mental note to thank Hyuck who had thrown him the button-down earlier. It matches Renjun’s outfit _perfectly._  

 

“Well, you look great, too.” Renjun reaches up, and this has happened one too many times that Yukhei knows enough to bend his knees to let Renjun fix his hair. “Jaemin said it was a date and he threatened me to wear my best clothes. I didn’t know it was going to be you.”

 

“Ah, well.” Deflated, Yukhei straightens up when Renjun's finished. Jaemin was excited to set them up, he never thought about how Renjun would feel about them going on a date. “Sorry to disappoint.”

 

“Not at all.” Renjun pokes Yukhei in the stomach. “This is perfect. I don’t have to worry about how to act if it’s you.”

 

Renjun doesn’t give Yukhei a chance to respond—which is favorable for Yukhei because he honestly does not know what to say to that, all he knows is it set his skin ablaze—and walks back into the apartment throwing an _I’ll just grab my bag!_ over his shoulder.

 

_If it’s you_. 

 

Who is Yukhei even trying to fool? Renjun could be wearing a cardboard box and he would still think he were worthy of a spot in the Louvre.

 

♡

 

_Yukhei stirred awake to his living room spinning._

 

_There’s another nudge to his arm, more violent than the last. “Answer your goddamn phone.”_

 

_“What time is it?” He slurred, but only the shrill sound of his ringtone responds to him. Defeated, he lifted himself off the floor and tried to navigate through his trashed living room with only the sound of guitar riffs as his compass._

 

_He stepped on an empty soju bottle on his way and cursed it internally, a stark contrast to the way he latched onto it last night — the bottle a tether to keep himself from sinking further in self-pity. The pounding in his head and the bitter taste in his mouth are reminders that the cure to his broken heart definitely did_ not _lie at the bottom of the shot glass. If anything, he felt shittier._

 

_So when he finally found his phone, he couldn’t care less to check who it is._

 

_“Hi, It’s Jaemin,” the chipper voice greeted. “I need you to shower right now because you’retakingRenjunoutonadatenoquestionsplease.”_

 

_Jaemin was speaking rapid-fire Korean, so it took awhile for Yukhei’s inebriated mind to string together the words and make sense of what Jaemin had just said. When it finally clicked, his stomach lurched. “You want me to what?!”_

 

_“Take Renjun out on a date,” Jaemin repeated slowly, enunciating each word as if he were speaking to a three-year-old. “His date with Hendery was a bust. His heart needs saving.”_

 

_What about Yukhei’s heart? “Is this another one of your brilliant ideas?”_

 

_Jaemin disregarded the question and said, sly, “I know your secret.”_

 

_Yukhei held his breath. His eyes darted to Hyuck who was comatose on the floor, drool glistening on his cheek. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”_

 

_“You’re welcome, Yukhei.”_

 

_Jaemin ignored Yukhei’s strongly-worded defense (“What—Jaemin, I don’t—how?!”) and cut the line together with the last strings anchoring Yukhei’s heart in his chest._

 

♡

 

They step onto the sidewalk and begin walking towards Yeouinaru station. 

 

Everything looks the same — the same doorman telling them to have a nice day, the same bump on the concrete just a few steps away from the building almost always tripping Yukhei, the same bed of daisies outside the same ice cream parlor they’d been in just a week ago. 

 

Renjun walks the same way, smiles the same sweet smile, and the familiar lilt in his voice is there as he talks in the same hurried way he does when he’s discussing something he likes (Black Panther was epic, according to him. Yukhei takes his word for it). Everything is the same, even Yukhei doesn’t feel any different, but the familiarity of it all does nothing to extinguish the fire underneath Yukhei’s skin. 

 

The chilly Seoul air, as is expected on a February afternoon, nips at Yukhei’s nose, justifying the perilously small distance between them as they walk side by side, but the proximity unhelpfully makes Yukhei think about the hypothetical way Renjun’s hand would feel in his. 

 

“I was going to borrow my cousin’s car,” Yukhei explains. “But, apparently, one of his friends got drunk and puked on the seats last night, so…”

 

Renjun grimaces, and then chuckles, waving a hand dismissively. “Traffic’s going to be hell for sure, anyway.” 

 

They reach the intersection and wait for the light to change.

 

“What’s in the paper bag?”

 

“It’s for you.”

 

Thrilled, Renjun takes it, his nose poking inside. “Oh, wow. What’s inside?”

 

It takes all of Yukhei’s willpower to restrain himself from taking the box out right there and tells him it’s kimbap that he made himself. “Because I didn’t want to come empty-handed and Jaemin said you didn’t like flowers.”

 

“Thank you,” Renjun grins, and Yukhei’s heart does that thing where it beats out of rhythm in his chest. **_Two_** **.** It happens too much when he’s around Renjun, Yangyang tells him to go see a cardiologist at least twice a week. Hyuck outright tells him he’s doomed. 

 

When they start crossing the street, Renjun grabs his hand and it takes Yukhei a moment to find the energy back in his legs. Neither Renjun nor Yukhei says a word the whole way. And the fire under Yukhei’s skin grows. But as soon as they reach the curb, Renjun pulls away. 

 

Yukhei knew, right then, that when he’s old and time has robbed him of his memories, he wouldn’t forget the phantom warmth of Renjun’s hand in his. 

 

“So…” Renjun looks up at him, eyes gleaming. **_Three_** **.** “Where to?”

 

♡

 

_“Love Locks at Namsan Tower.”_

 

_“An exciting day at Lotte World,” Yangyang added flatly._

 

_“Oh, and there’s that cat cafe in Myeongdong.”_

 

_Yukhei set down his pen and reviewed the list he had written down after attentively listening to Yangyang and Hyuck go back and forth dictating the top Valentine’s Day date spots in Seoul. T_ _hey were gathered around the table, a steaming pot of ramyun in the middle, an equally giddy (and hungover) Hyuck beside Yukhei, and a less amused Yangyang sitting across him._

 

_“Alright, now that we’ve listed down the places you_ should _avoid…” Hyuck began, rolling up his sleeves and taking a sheet of laver. “Where_ are _you going to take him?”_

 

_“I have a plan.”_

 

_“Oh yeah, I forgot you’ve been planning this in your head since—”_

 

_Yangyang threw a rice ball at Yukhei._

 

_“Hey! Respect the rice!"_

 

_“Why don’t you just tell him you like him?” Yangyang frowned. “What are you so scared of?”_

 

_He was looking at him the same way he always does whenever Yukhei tells him he’s hanging out ‘as friends’ with Renjun. The look says, be careful._

 

_Although they’ve been to places on their own a couple of times, the thought of being alone with Renjun in this setting excited Yukhei. Jaemin_ knows _, and him proposing this idea meant Yukhei has his blessing, making Yukhei even more elated._

 

_The bitter reality that Renjun probably thinks this is just them hanging out ‘as friends’ again sticks to the back of his tongue, but like what he’s done in the past, he doesn’t pay it much mind._

 

_Two months of orbiting Renjun has led Yukhei to one realization — he’s not ready to lose him anytime soon. Even if he has to get his heart wrung each time._

 

_So instead of answering truthfully, he settled for, “I’m not a fan of embarrassment and rejection.”_

 

_Which, admittedly, wasn’t a lie, either._

 

♡

 

Renjun’s hand finds Yukhei’s wrist and Yukhei tries not to dwell on it as they navigate through the subway station. Their flexible schedule (which Yukhei refuses to share with Renjun just yet) allows them to comfortably make their way to the platforms with Yukhei matching Renjun’s smaller strides. 

 

As they await the train’s arrival, Renjun finally divulges the details of his date with Hendery. Yukhei pushes down resurfacing memories of his own Friday night that involved a lot of soju and poems of the brokenhearted courtesy of an intoxicated Hyuck. 

 

The delight he’s meant to feel is completely dampened by the disappointment vividly sketched on Renjun’s face and he chooses to listen intently, merely nodding in confirmation when Renjun asks if his pronunciation is right.

 

The story is cut short when the train finally slows down to a stop in front of them. When they board, the sound of a crying baby bounces off the train walls and they offer the frantic mother a comforting smile as they pass by her. With no seats available, they settle for a vacant corner far from the doors and they stand face-to-face with only a foot of space separating them. 

 

“He texted to ask if I got home safely and I said I did.” Renjun shrugs. “And that was that.”

 

Renjun laughs it off, but Yukhei _knows_ and he doesn’t try to ask him if he’s okay. Instead, he offers, “Maybe it was meant to fall apart because you’re meant to be with someone else.” 

 

Renjun considers this, then smirks. “I didn’t know you believed in fate.”

 

The train slows down. People begin leaving their seats and preparing to alight, but Yukhei and Renjun are frozen in position.

 

“You don’t?” Yukhei challenges.

 

The mother finally gets the baby to stop crying and the piercing shrieks are replaced by gleeful giggles which draw everyone’s attention. Renjun smiles at the scene and Yukhei smiles at an oblivious Renjun. **_Four._**  

 

The train stops. People get off. And only when the train is moving again does Renjun give him an answer. 

 

“I do.”

 

Renjun is looking at him strangely, and Yukhei wonders if he’s seeing him differently for the first time. **_Five._**  

 

♡

 

Following Taeyong’s instructions, they alight at _Gwanghwamun_ station. 

 

As they’re snaking through the sea of people, Renjun’s phone vibrates and his cheeks color immediately when he discovers whom the message is from. Yukhei’s mind immediately concludes it’s Hendery. 

 

It's unfair. This day is supposed to be theirs.

 

But Renjun is suddenly looking up at him, contemplating for a moment, before typing out a reply. “It’s just Jaemin,” explains Renjun. 

 

“What _do_ people do on dates?” Renjun mutters under his breath. Yukhei hovers close, eyes wandering so he could give Renjun some privacy but also shielding him from the crowd. 

 

Jaemin’s reply comes quick. The blush on Renjun’s cheeks deepen. Yukhei doesn’t mean to, but he reads the message. 

 

**Hold hands. Talk. Maybe a kiss or two. Idk, just do what u see in the movies!**

 

“He’s ridiculous,” Renjun chuckles. Yukhei feels something inside him brew. As soon as he hits send, Renjun tucks his phone back in his pocket. 

 

Yukhei doesn’t know if the message changed anything in Renjun, but he’s rooted to the ground even when Yukhei tells them they should go. 

 

Renjun bites his lip, sucks in a breath and slips his hand into Yukhei’s. He laces their fingers together, and the warmth is back. “Okay, let’s go.” 

 

**_Six._ **

 

Yukhei doesn’t comment on it, but the smile that spreads wide on his lips traitorously gives him away. Luckily, Renjun averts his gaze, only tugging at Yukhei’s hand so they could move faster through. 

 

They easily slip into casual conversation as they walk out of the station. It drives Yukhei mad. _This could work, you and I, right?_ He wants to ask but he chooses to stay mum, chooses to enjoy the moment as it is. 

 

 

They walk hand-in-hand until they find the building, and they disentangle only before making their ascent up the narrow staircase to the top floor. Once they reach the landing, Renjun absentmindedly finds Yukhei’s hand again, lacing their fingers together — like it’s the most natural thing in the world. 

 

“An art exhibit?” Renjun whispers.

 

Yukhei nods, leading him to a desk where a lady, who looks like she’s in her late 20s, waits for them. She has an air of intimidating elegance with her, and Yukhei fumbles to hand her their passes.

 

“Wong Yukhei.” 

 

The lady smiles, hands them the guide, and almost magically procures two glasses of sparkling champagne.

 

“Fancy,” Renjun notes. He picks up a glass, takes a sip, and glances at the guide. His eyes widen when he reads it. “ _Dong Sicheng?_!” 

 

“The one and only,” Yukhei beams, victorious.

 

“What? How? All the slots have been booked for wee—“

 

“My cousin has a friend,” Yukhei says simply. 

 

He doesn’t tell him how he’s had the passes weeks in advance, even before the date with Hendery. He doesn’t tell him how he’d begged Taeyong, who has connections Yukhei would have never imagined, for it. 

 

Taeyong ultimately caved in when Yukhei said it was for _someone special_ , and as a hopeless romantic himself, Taeyong finally agreed — on the condition that Yukhei work the weekends scrubbing dishes at his restaurant. 

 

Most importantly, he doesn’t tell him how he’d almost discarded the passes when he found out he was going out with Hendery a day before he’d planned to invite him.

 

“Right this way.”

 

The lady, who introduces herself as Seulgi, leads them to a door at the end of the hall. 

 

Once the twin doors open, Renjun transforms into a kid at a carnival. His sparkling eyes, which match the champagne he’s holding, sweep the room in one swift stroke, and he whispers, a little breathless, “I can’t believe it.”

 

Ms. Seulgi reminds them of a few basic rules: no touching the artwork, no running, no crossing the ropes, no picture-taking and—

 

“— _strictly_ no frisky business, please. We have surveillance cameras installed.”

 

The insinuation catches both of them off guard, and Yukhei feels Renjun stiffen in his hold. Renjun stutters, “Oh, t-that’s highly unlikely.”

 

“Okay,” Ms. Seulgi says, eyes falling to their clasped hands. “I’ll be right here if you need me.”

 

Renjun looks up at him again, the same way he did in the train — different, odd, a little shy. Then he looks away and pulls Yukhei to the first artwork. They leave it at that.

 

Yukhei tails Renjun who excitedly inspects each piece with a childlike wonder that makes Yukhei want to scoop him up and pocket him forever. 

 

Renjun, at this moment and in every other moment, is the personification of light — bright, alive, absolutely radiant. 

 

His excitement at each piece ricochets straight to Yukhei’s heart and Yukhei feels equally curious. Yukhei provides the translation for some captions, and Renjun generously supplies commentary for each one and he speaks with so much confidence, it’s as if they were his own. 

 

“I built something like this when I was in high school.” Renjun is looking at a contraption labelled a harmonograph. It was humongous, it was almost comical. Like they were Alice and the champagne given at the entrance made them shrink. “But it wasn’t as grand and sophisticated as this. I didn’t even know you could build it like this.” Renjun points to the weights swinging rhythmically beneath the oversized table. “Is that _gold_?”

 

“What’s the physics behind it?” Yukhei knows Renjun will tell him even if he doesn’t ask, but the smile that spreads across Renjun’s face when he does is always a sight to see.

 

“Oh, Yukhei, you’re so lucky you came with me.” 

 

**_Seven_**. 

 

_I definitely lucked out with you_ , Yukhei wants to say. But Renjun’s already going off about pendulums, and Yukhei gets sucked into his vortex.

 

♡

 

Their next destination is an establishment just a few streets away from Gwangjang Market. 

 

The small space smells of wood and old paper. There are three cramped aisles, floor to ceiling bookcases for each one. There’s no one else in the shop, apart from books that are spilling out of the shelves and Bongshik the cat, who purrs underneath Yukhei’s touch.

 

This was Yukhei’s only refuge during those first few months, where he would sit on the floor for hours lost in books he wouldn’t find anywhere else. A place where solitude is the norm and no one tries to engage him in small talk. An idle idyll. 

 

Yukhei can’t help but think about how Renjun looked both out of place and right where he’s supposed to be in the dimly-lit shop, surrounded by books decades old and floorboards that creak with every step. His features are illuminated by the yellow lights overhead and the sight effortlessly dazzles Yukhei. **_Eight._ **

 

A title draws Renjun’s attention and when he pulls it out, a smile stretches on his face. **_Nine._**

 

Yukhei is too busy not-looking-but-looking that he does not realize that the owner of the secondhand bookshop has emerged from the door at the end of one of the shelves.

 

_" **My**_ ** _friend_**.” 

 

For a place as worn down as this, Yukhei initially thought that he would be met by a greying old man with an affinity for keeping the printed word alive when he first walked in. Instead, a boisterous laugh followed by a remark Yukhei knew was Cantonese bounced off its walls, and a young man who introduced himself as Jackson Wang almost looked alien amongst the yellowed paperbacks greeted him. 

 

Yukhei has been coming here every other week since — elated to have made a friend who speaks his mother tongue, loves literature and languages as much as he does, and treats him like the brother he wished for but never had. 

 

“ ** _What does your heart desire today_**?”

 

Yukhei’s eyes dart to the curious boy distractedly flipping through a book, probably trying his best not to eavesdrop. Jackson follows his line of sight.

 

“ ** _The backroom_** ,” Yukhei says simply. 

 

Jackson's eyes flit from Yukhei to Renjun, a Cheshire grin plastered on his face. “ ** _I_** ** _s he the one you were telling me about?_ **”

 

Yukhei tries to keep a straight face, but Jackson’s devious smile shatters his facade instantly. “ ** _Just go. Please_**.” 

 

Jackson rolls his eyes before waving at Renjun and offering him his million-dollar smile. He walks back into a different door, shouting _I’ll call you when it’s ready!_ in Korean.

 

“What are you reading?”

 

Yukhei walks over to Renjun and he shows him the title — _The Miraculous Journey of Edward Tulane_ — and continues to delicately turn its pages. 

 

“My mom used to read this to me.” There is no single emotion on his face and in his voice — it’s a mixture of sadness, nostalgia, excitement. “I loved this. I _love_ this.”

 

“Then it’s yours.”

 

“No, let’s leave it,” Renjun says decisively. “Let’s have someone else find it.”

 

Yukhei nods. He thinks about buying it later.

 

“So, what dialect was that…?”

 

Yukhei tells him it’s Cantonese, his first language. “Yukhei is Cantonese actually. My name in Mandarin is Xuxi.”

 

“Xuxi,” Renjun parrots with a smile. Yukhei internally smacks himself for not telling Renjun sooner, solely because of how much he likes the way his name sounds in Renjun’s voice. “I think I’ll call you that now. How did you find this place, Xuxi?” 

 

Yukhei chuckles. “I wandered a lot during my first few weeks here. I was lonely. I didn’t want to stay in the apartment, didn’t want to bother my cousin. So I just… went out alone a lot.”

 

“Were you lonely?”

 

“I was alone, but I didn’t feel lonely. Maybe a little. But I was mostly excited.”

 

“Well,” Renjun smiles, leaning on the bookcase. The light shines delicately on his face. **_Ten_**. “You’re certainly not alone now.”

 

“Yup,” Yukhei bites his lip. “I guess not.”

 

“And you really know your way around Seoul. I’ve never been around here and I’ve lived in Seoul my entire life.”

 

Yukhei shrugs, proud. “It’s my favorite form of healing. I take in inspiration, but it also helps clear my mind. If that makes sense.”

 

“It does.” Then he teases, “Is this where you bring all your dates? Makeout sessions over at the coffee table books section?”

 

“No,” Yukhei chuckles, shakes his head. “Just you.” And it’s true. 

 

Yukhei thinks Renjun blushes at that, but maybe it’s just a trick of the light. “Just me,” he repeats, clearly repressing a smile. “Okay.”

 

Jackson calls for them not a second later, and Yukhei pulls Renjun along. 

 

The backroom, which is _not_ a stockroom contrary to what is traditional, is actually a hidden arcade. Jackson says it was there when he bought the space, and he never bothered to take it down because the machines were still functional and it was a novelty that he deemed valuable. An arcade hidden behind a bookstore — Jackson liked the idea. And so did Yukhei.

 

Renjun eyes grow in fascination once they enter, the neon lights illuminating his small face. 

 

“Jaemin suggested we go to an arcade, but I knew all the usual places would be packed with people. The games are kind of outdated, and the room’s kind of dusty,” Jackson smacks his arm, “but what do you think?”

 

Renjun checks out the pinball machine adjacent to the door. “Well, the bookshop was already a treat. I certainly did _not_ expect to find all of this behind it. I feel like I just walked into a time machine and right into the 80s.”

 

Jackson laughs, “Thanks. Never judge a bookshop by its storefront… I guess?”

 

“Is that…” Renjun squints, and in the next moment, he’s running to the claw machine. Yukhei follows and the variety of Moomin plushies greets them. Forehead pressed on the foggy glass, Renjun says longingly, “I want it.”

 

“Go nuts.” Jackson hands Yukhei a bag of tokens, which Yukhei would have to pay back by buying books later.

 

Yukhei fishes out a few tokens, determined to win the plushie for Renjun. That would be the romantic thing to do, he thinks. 

 

But right when Yukhei inserts a couple of tokens into the machine, Renjun tears off his jacket, looking very intent on winning the plushie himself, and relegates Yukhei to a cheerleader _and_ a coat stand. **_Eleven_**. 

 

♡

 

Renjun is smiling when he returns from the restroom. Yukhei reads a lot about love, has experienced it, or at least the puppy love version of it, firsthand, but he has never felt like this. He’s not sure if this is true love, or just his infatuation brewing, but his heart just keeps doubling in size and instead of suffocating him, he feels completely blissed out.

 

“This place is so fancy,” Renjun whispers as he drags his seat closer to the table. “There’s an aquarium next to the sink. I was washing my hands and I felt the fish judging me.”

 

Amused by Renjun’s fascination, Yukhei smiles into his glass, fond. The waitress comes just in time to serve their food — some sort of creamy chicken dish for Renjun and truffle pasta for Yukhei. It’s all thanks to Taeyong, who is in another one of his restaurants (he’s rich _rich_ ), and his soft spot for Yukhei.

 

They dig in, both moaning at the otherworldly delicious first bite, and Renjun's feet cutely stomp the floor from giddiness. _Thank you, Taeyong_. 

 

“Do you believe in ghosts?”

 

They started playing twenty questions on their taxi ride here, throwing random questions they could think of at each other. It’s Yukhei’s turn, and Renjun looks up from his plate of tiramisu. There’s a small chocolate stain on the corner of his lips and Yukhei resists the urge to reach over and wipe it for him. He gestures to tell him instead. 

 

“I do.” Renjun wipes at the stain. “It’s silly. And I know that science doesn’t back it. But I do.”

 

“Oh, I love it when you talk science to me,” Yukhei beams, hands cradling his chin. “Tell me more.”

 

Renjun scoffs, but he smiles before putting down his fork and directing his attention completely at Yukhei in the crowded restaurant. It almost knocks the air out of Yukhei’s lungs. _Damn it._

 

“Just — it’s scientifically impossible. A physicist disproved it just a few years ago. Humans are a highly ordered collection of matter. And the second law of thermodynamics says that the universe only goes in one direction — disorder. So when our bodies deteriorate beyond repair, there’s just no way we can reorder. It’s not possible. _Poof_!” 

 

The dimple on Renjun’s cheek makes the slightest appearance, driving Yukhei a little over the edge. He nods, absorbing the details Renjun had just spilled, and prods Renjun to go on. 

 

“But I believe in them,” Renjun leans in closer.  “That’s why I like science. It presents you with facts, makes you realize how vast—“ Renjun stretches his arms “—the universe is and how insignificantly small we are as humans. But _that’s_ the point — it reminds you how incredibly enormous the universe is and that there’s still so, _so_ much that we _don’t_ know.”  

 

Yukhei gets this. He’s read too many books, slaved away writing pages and pages of interpretations on culture and people, but there’s always that nagging feeling in his chest that there’s so much he doesn’t know — so much he’s yet to learn. 

 

“It makes you want to believe in things like that. Of all the undiscovered possibilities we don’t know could even be possibilities.”

 

Listening to Renjun uninhibitedly talk about all this fills Yukhei with a hazy feeling in his chest. He tries to piece the different sides of Renjun that he’s discovered: the drunk boy who just wanted to make friends, the feisty grocery shopper who was ready to fight him, the loving brother who has protective instincts over his siblings even though they’re older, the nerd who never looks up unless he’s finished his work, the kid in the bookstore who misses his mom, and this Renjun in front of him now. Yukhei was seeing parts of him he’d never imagined he’d uncover. And he likes every bit of him. 

 

“I get it,” Yukhei says. “We all contradict ourselves and contain multitudes. Walt Whitman said that.” 

 

It’s funny how a simple question about ghosts has led him to quote Whitman, but here they are. 

 

Renjun agrees, leaning back in his seat and tilting his head to the side again. Pensive.  ** _Fifteen_**. “So, my turn?”

 

Yukhei shoves a spoonful of his parfait in his mouth before gesturing Renjun to _shoot._  

 

“For whom do you write all those poems for?”

 

♡

 

_“I’ll make you a deal.”_

 

_They were going over outfit choices when Hyuck clapped his hands, excitement spilling out of his voice._

 

_“What kind of deal?” Yukhei was in front of the mirror, holding up a blue plaid shirt in front of him. Both Yangyang and Hyuck shook their heads in disapproval._

 

_“Have you ever thought of kissing Renjun?”_

 

_Yukhei turned around, completely taken aback by the question. “That does not answer my question.”_

 

_Hyuck only raised his eyebrow. Yukhei sighed, defeated. “Yes. A couple of times.”_

 

_“On average, how many times per hangout?”_

 

_Yukhei laughed, embarrassed. “More than I’m willing to admit.”_

 

_“Give me a number,” Hyuck rose from the bed and walked over to Yukhei’s closet, shoving Yangyang, who protests, aside. “Five? Ten? Twenty?”_

 

_“This is ridiculous. But yeah, maybe.”_

 

_Hyuck’s shoulders slump as he sighed. “Come on. Help me out here.”_

 

_“Okay. Maybe twenty.”_

 

_“Alright.” Hyuck threw a white button-down at him. “Tonight, I want you to keep count of how many times you want to kiss Renjun. If you go over twenty, you have to confess. Maybe not on the spot, but soon.”_

 

_Yukhei is aware that Hyuck and Jaemin (maybe even Ten) have been secretly betting on when he would finally stack the courage to admit to his feelings. Yangyang once slipped and said Hyuck was winning. Bestfriend or not, Yukhei is not sure if he is willing to parlay his winnings._

 

_“But I could just tell you the wrong number.”_

 

_Yangyang finally chimed in, “Then you’d just be cheating yourself.”_

 

“ _I_ _thought you didn’t want me to do this?!”_

 

_“No, I never said that,” Yangyang obnoxiously wiggled a finger at him. “I said, be careful. I want you to confess, remember?”_

 

_“I know but—“_

 

_“See, this is why everyone is shit at love. No one ever says what they want.”_

 

_Hyuck clapped Yangyang’s shoulder, and if they weren’t his best friends, Yukhei would think they were bullies (maybe they are, in a way) ganging up on him for his lunch money, “I think that applies to everything.”_

 

_Yukhei was in the middle of putting on the crisp white shirt Hyuck had given him. “The thing is,” one arm through one sleeve, “I don’t know if Renjun wants what I want.”_

 

_“That's exactly what I'm saying, dumbass," Hyuck tuts._

 

_"You’ll never know that because you never tell him what you want,” Yangyang walked over then, helping him with the buttons like his mother would, probably, if she were here. Not that Yukhei would ever talk to her about the woes of his heart, though._

 

_Yangyang intentionally waited till he was at the last button (because he’s dramatic like that), before patting his chest and spitting out, “You never take the risk, chicken shit.”_

 

♡

 

By the time they’ve reached their last destination, Yukhei has lost count. He’s sure he’s gone over the limit thirty minutes ago, though. It was somewhere between dessert and the subway ride home.

 

So this is it. 

 

Although, Hyuck _did_ say he could wait. Maybe he’ll wait. Plan it more thoroughly. Maybe when he’s less vulnerable.

 

He sneaks a sideways glance at Renjun and thinks of how he’s oblivious to the way he has insidiously forged his way into Yukhei’s heart. 

 

“It’s so cold,” Renjun’s teeth chatter as he pulls his jacket closer around himself. 

 

“Here.” Yukhei offers the inside of his coat before he could even stop and reassess the suggestion. 

 

Yukhei couldn’t even explain the way his heart lurches when Renjun says _okay,_ and immediately moves to occupy the small space. 

 

So, now, technically, Yukhei’s giving Renjun a back hug as they’re walking home to Renjun’s building.

 

_Holy shit_. How did he even get here? 

 

Yukhei is lost in his thoughts — of how Renjun hazardously close was, of how Renjun had voluntarily initiated most of the skinship the entire night, of how Yukhei couldn’t possibly be dreaming all of this, right? — that he doesn’t hear what Renjun says.

 

“What was that?” 

 

“I said,” Renjun stops walking and dangerously turns around, “I had fun today.”

 

There’s a short, frenzied-heart-induced poem Yukhei typed on his phone on his way home after that first lunch they had together at the Chinese restaurant. It goes a little like this, 

 

**the sky is blue**

**grass is green**

**you make my insides scream**

 

It’s not Yukhei’s proudest work. He can do better than that, honestly. And he has done better than that. He has won literary contests and had his works featured in the school publication. 

 

But nothing, absolutely nothing, can describe how Yukhei is feeling at this exact moment better than that shitty poem. 

 

“M-my pleasure,” Yukhei manages to stammer out. 

 

Fortunately, Renjun turns around again and they’re walking funnily along Renjun’s street. They reach the building in no time, to Yukhei’s relief and dismay (it’s always a mix of both), and Renjun steps away from under Yukhei’s coat.

 

“Well, here we are. Thank you for today. You’re a good date planner.” 

 

Yukhei rocks back and forth on his heels. “You were a great date.”

 

“Thanks for the exhibit. And the tokens for the plushie. And dinner.” Renjun hugs himself again as a strong breeze passes. “I owe you.”

 

Yukhei waves a hand dismissively, “You don’t owe me anything. I had lots of fun, too.”

 

Renjun smiles, but doesn’t turn around to leave just yet, so Yukhei doesn’t know what to do. Usually, they’d just say goodbye at this point but Yukhei doesn’t want to, not yet. But he also doesn’t know what he’s supposed to do.

 

Then, just as he’s thinking of just waving goodbye, Renjun makes the move for him.

 

He grabs Yukhei’s coat and pulls him down, planting a quick kiss on Yukhei’s cheek. A cold breeze passes again, but it does nothing to cool down the burning mark that Renjun’s lips has imprinted on his cheek.

 

Before Yukhei could process the situation, Renjun’s already spun around. “Goodnight!” He waves over his shoulder as he walks towards the door. “See you on Monday!” 

 

Utterly destroyed, Yukhei stands frozen and gapes at Renjun retreating figure. It’s only when Renjun’s completely disappeared into the building that Yukhei could register his stupid reflection on the glass. His insides are still screaming and he’s still smiling like an idiot. 

 

_Happy fucking Valentine’s Day, Yukhei._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> F I N A L L Y  
> I was most excited about this chapter so I think that's why I got too ambitious and it took me this long to finish T_T I hope it was worth the wait!!! please tell me what your favorite part was haha thank you for reading <3


	5. Renjun

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Renjun is in very deep shit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello, how are you?! I hope life’s been treating you well. and thank you for coming back. I luv u already. so, quick recap: renjun kicked yukhei, yukhei fluidly weaves into renjun’s life, renjun has a crush on hendery, renjun and yukhei practice kissing—theoretically— then renjun gets heartbroken, so yukhei takes him out on a proper date instead, and now renjun is in very deep shit
> 
> unbeta’ed, probably sucky, but we’re finally getting somewhere, baby!

“Don’t laugh, okay?” Renjun asks, careful. “I think Yukhei likes me.”

Jisung drops his phone on his face (maybe Renjun should have told him when he’s sitting up) and rubs his nose instinctively. “He confessed last night?!”

“Well," Renjun sits up, avoiding Jisung's burning gaze. He considers escaping to the kitchen and pretending the conversation never happened, but Jisung nudges him with his foot from where he’s sprawled on the floor and hums, urging him to continue. "Okay, not explicitly."

After Yukhei had walked him home last night, Renjun’s mind launched into an endless whir. It was a good day—a great day—and Renjun practically floated up to their apartment.

Put simply, Renjun was happy.

Probably knackered from their own Valentine’s Day excursions, Doyoung and Ten didn’t come to his room to interrogate him, much to Renjun’s relief, because maybe he wants to keep this little golden nugget of a day to himself for as long as possible (i.e. for as long as he could resist Jaemin and his curious bunny eyes).

But there was this nagging thought in his head that took over after a few happy minutes of scrolling through pictures from their day— _date?_ —and posting some of the best ones on Instagram (None of the selcas, though. He doesn’t want to cause a riot) (Read: He’s keeping those to himself).

What followed then was a night of deliberate backtracking and needless overthinking, which led Renjun to come up with that ridiculous conclusion.

Yukhei might be into him.

He might be wrong, but he might be right, either.

He hadn't been sure how to deal with it when it hit, along with a blooming headache, at three in the morning. But the answer eventually came with daybreak, leading him to seek out the counsel of the best person who could help him: Jaemin. He _is_ the reason the date( _?_ ) even happened, anyway.

However, when he arrived at their apartment—with bloodshot eyes, a bird's nest of hair, and a nose that felt like it was about to freeze off his face—Jaemin wasn't there. In place of his best friend, Jisung sleepily answered the door, unsurprisingly peeved that his slumber had prematurely ended.

Surprisingly, it took less than ten words _("I’ll cook breakfast for you.")_ for the sleepy boy to let Renjun in without much fuss, unlike Jaemin who would have probably asked for a kiss on the cheek before granting him entrance.

Renjun had sauntered straight to the kitchen, and because they are, in essence, just a couple of broke students, breakfast means ramyun mixed with anything from the fridge Renjun could throw in.

Renjun rejoined Jisung in the living room while waiting for the water to boil, and with enough persuasion, Jisung shyly shared his own Valentine’s Day “hangout” which consisted of him and Chenle only getting _some_ progress done on their project before giving up and binge-watching classic Disney movies. Chenle’s mom even prepared a special dinner, which, according to Jisung, was out of this world. _So domestic._ Renjun had to bite his tongue from saying how smitten Jisung looked.

However, the extreme desire to pinch Jisung’s cheeks was replaced by an extreme desire to bolt out the door when the question was redirected back at him.

Completely ignoring Renjun’s initial request, Jisung, the little shit, laughs. Renjun whacks him with a pillow. "I’m sorry, hyung—it’s just, so unlike you.” Smiling cheekily (which Renjun still frustratingly finds adorable), Jisung slumps himself next to Renjun. “Is that why you came here at the butt crack of dawn?”

Renjun groans. He really should’ve just waited for Jaemin. “Nevermind. Forget I said anything. What time did Jaemin say he was coming home?”

Jisung doesn’t give Renjun a chance to escape as he clings to his arm the same way he used to when he was younger and asked Renjun to tell him more ghost stories. It’s disorienting – how much Jisung has grown, how he really hasn’t changed all that much despite that, and how he is resorting to using his cuteness to get Renjun to stay and spill. He’s similar to Jaemin in that way, except Jisung doesn’t recognize nor exercise this power as much as his brother does. “Ah, don’t divert the topic, hyung!”

Renjun wills every fiber of his being to not appear as embarrassed _and_ endeared as he feels. “You laughed when I told you not to!”

“Okay, okay.” Jisung presses his lips together, but his mouth betrays him and another laugh escapes his lips. “Sorry - okay! That wasn’t me laughing at you, that was just a laugh that – ran away from home! Hyung, you know it’s especially hard now not to laugh, because you told me not to, but okay— _okay!_ No laughing.”

Renjun takes his time to settle beside Jisung again, not knowing where to pick up the conversation. Jisung seems to notice his struggle, so he offers, “Here’s a useful question. Why do you think he likes you, hyung?"

Now, Renjun _really_ wouldn’t normally talk about things like this with Jisung, so to some extent, Jisung’s initial reaction was understandable. And even if Renjun _does_ talk about things like this with his brothers and Jaemin, Renjun’s role in the conversation is usually benign. The listener. Now, the tables have turned, and the prospect of talking about Yukhei’s possible feelings (not even his own, HA!) is scary. But Renjun just feels like he might explode any minute, and Jisung knows too much already, there’s no better way to deal than to forge on.

“You know how they say hindsight is 20/20?”

It takes three seconds for Jisung to get it, but he smiles in recognition once he realizes it. “Solid.”

“Well, before that thing that happened in December, Yukhei and I were just two entities co-existing in the same universe…ity.”

Jisung, whose lip twitches, catches the pun, but doesn’t comment on it. So Renjun continues, “We weren’t strangers before that, but we differently weren’t friends, either. We were acquaintances, at best, so I thought that was going to be a temporary thing. Maybe it still is— _I don’t know_ —but ever since that, things just changed. Quickly…and slowly…at the same time.” Renjun chews on his lip, not quite sure if he’s making sense. “I never really thought about it much, because having him around felt so natural. Like it’s been years instead of two months. A giant moon orbiting little old me like it’s some cosmic event that’s always meant to happen.” 

Judging by his raised eyebrow, Jisung doesn’t seem convinced by the bullcrap coming out of Renjun’s mouth, and frankly, it _did_ sound more convincing and less conceited and cringey in Renjun’s head. “Ugh, sorry.” Renjun chuckles. “I mean, I don’t even know why he keeps hanging out with us. He’s pretty popular in school, you know?”

To that, Jisung nods. “Yes. And I also know he’s really nice, and he likes being friends with you guys. Friends with you, hyung. He’s _really_ nice.”

Renjun knows what Jisung’s trying to say. Having mapped out the possible reasons, Renjun has also weighed that possibility in. Yukhei _is_ exceedingly nice, sometimes maybe even _too_ nice for his own good, but there’s something about how he’s acted around Renjun in the past months that teeters confusingly between friendly and something more.

But before Renjun could further defend his hypothesis, a strong burning smell wafts into the living room. “What’s that sme—”

“Shit, shit, shit--the ramyun!”

 

*

 

Renjun doesn’t see Yukhei come Monday.

Renjun doesn’t ask nor does he need to know about Yukhei’s whereabouts, but Donghyuck, whom Renjun bumps into at the cafeteria, volunteers the information that Yukhei has been holed up in the library since Sunday to catch up on his backlogs. Understandable.

And Renjun doesn’t need to, but he shoots Yukhei a message once Hyuck’s gone.

 

**_renjun [12:08 PM]_ **

hey, nerd. don’t forget to eat!

 

It was probably a bad idea because Renjun spends the rest of the day waiting for a reply, which, sadly, never comes.

 

 *

 

The next day, Yukhei doesn't reply, either.

Or the next day. Or the next.

Renjun had already spent half the week not realizing this, as everyone on campus is busier now as the end of the term draws near, and he, too, is buried in problem sets and synthesis essays himself. But, as is the universal law, it isn't long till something gives. 

Even Jaemin has stopped bugging him about last Saturday in favor of doing schoolwork with Jeno at a cafe nearby. Renjun is still in the dark about what happened; all he knows is that Jeno’s sporting an arm brace and Jaemin sure as hell had something to do with it. The both of them, ever considerate, had offered an invitation to join them, but Renjun’s simply not in the mood to third wheel nor to be grilled again about Yukhei, so, even though Renjun was also _dying_ to know why Jaemin didn't come home Saturday night, he turned them down.

Instead, Renjun headed to the library. But as luck would have it, the one in his building is closed for the day for IT maintenance. Left with no other choice, Renjun trudged to the university's central library.

Now that they’re in the final weeks of the semester, it’s no surprise that most of the students have practically moved into the library. Renjun is no stranger to the image of a hundred caffeine-fueled zombies wrestling with their textbooks, but it’s still an amusing, yet alarming, sight to see. 

Renjun walks down the aisles with barely concealed longing for a seat and rest for his fatigued legs. He adjusts the straps of his bags as he cranes his neck around the room in search of familiar faces he could share a table with. 

Then his eyes land on someone Renjun didn’t even realize he was looking for. He didn’t even expect to see him here, which is kind of stupid because he was informed, forcefully, that Yukhei would be in the library. But he didn't know which one and certainly not _with whom_.

At the very far end, a prime people-watching spot, Renjun notices Yukhei with a girl whom Renjun immediately recognizes from all the times she’s modeled for the university’s official merchandise. Even in a plain peach sweatshirt and her hair pulled up in a messy bun, Zhou Jieqiong looks like she could walk the runway. Her beauty is highlighted by her laugh, a display of a pristine set of teeth, and it's almost impossible to miss the way her hand squeezes Yukhei’s arm as she begs for him to stop whatever _insanely_ funny thing Yukhei was saying or doing. 

There must be a rational explanation for the way Renjun’s mood immediately dampens or how his heart just _sinks,_ but Renjun’s too busy spinning on his heels and getting out of the building for him to reflect on it.

So _that’s_ why Yukhei never texted. Renjun misjudged the entire situation. It’s not that Yukhei likes him. Yukhei _clearly_ likes someone else. And he was simply trying to be there for Renjun. As a friend. Nothing more.

 _This is fine,_ Renjun whispers to himself as he hastens his pace towards the exit. _Everything is fine._

He pulls out his phone and as soon as he hears Ten’s voice, Renjun swallows the constriction in his throat and croaks out, “I-I’m having trouble finding a seat at the library. Is the shop busy?”

 

 

*

 

**_renjun [2:35 PM]_ **

I was wrong, ji

yukhei doesn’t like me

 

**_renjun [2:37 PM]_ **

lol 

 

*

 

“I’d like to buy a vowel, Doie.” 

Doyoung glances up from his crossword puzzle with only the slightest hint of curiosity painting his expression. “Hmm?”

“I’m trying to solve this puzzle called _Why Does Renjun Keep Zoning Out?_ and I’m missing a lot of letters,” Ten explains, squinting his eyes and tapping his chin with his index finger as if he’s actually set on winning the game. Unsurprisingly, Doyoung is quick to catch on, abandoning his own puzzle to join in on Ten’s teasing. 

“University may have finally broken him,” Ten infers, swirling his cup of tea with a calculated move like there’s no other correct way of stirring sugar into your drink than with utmost elegance. “Let’s pull him out.”

“No, that’s not it.” Doyoung’s eyes roam the expanse of their dining table, and he sees that Renjun has indeed finished all of his worksheets. After a few beats, Doyoung confidently declares, “It’s a boy.” 

Ten gasps, “Renjun’s pregnant?!”

At that, Doyoung rightfully smacks Ten. Then he leans forward, snaps his fingers in front of Renjun’s vacant eyes, and effectively pulls Renjun back to Earth. “Everything okay, love?”

Renjun doesn’t get the chance to pull an excuse out of his ass because his phone is suddenly buzzing in his pocket. Renjun’s eyes quickly shift from dead to frantic at the sight of the caller’s name, which both Doyoung and Ten don’t catch, and although Renjun discreetly tries to calm himself down, Doyoung could sense that his inference was spot on.

“Hello?”

Renjun leaves the table without another word and makes a beeline for the front door. Ten drags his chair closer to Doyoung’s, his expression filled with intrigue. “What was that about?”

“I already told you,” Doyoung starts, fully aware and thrilled that he knows more than Ten does. “He’s finally letting someone in.”

 

*  
  


“Yukhei,” Renjun breathes out after an eternity of processing that Yukhei is the one standing in front of him. Once that’s out of the way, the other obvious thing becomes very easy to spot and point out. “You look like Death swallowed you up and regurgitated you back out.”

The angel that he is, Yukhei, who really _does_ look like he’s about to pass out, all but smiles. “Hello to you, too.”

“Sorry, but you just look”—Renjun’s eyes quickly scan Yukhei: pale skin, dark circles under his drooping eyes, unruly hair that looks like it hasn’t been washed in days, a red spot on his chin that looks like it’s going to transform into a giant zit tomorrow, and a five o’clock shadow (which handsomely suits Yukhei, but Renjun isn’t going to tell him that)—“...not like your usual self.”

And yet—Renjun’s heart still jumps when another grin splits across Yukhei’s face.

Pushing down whatever’s brewing inside of him, Renjun motions for Yukhei to come inside the lobby, dusting off the snow from his coat as he walks past him. “It’s late and it’s freezing. What are you doing here?”

“It’s snowing,” Yukhei announces, completely disregarding the fact that Renjun has a set of perfectly working eyes to see that himself. As if that’s enough of an explanation why Yukhei’s here at almost midnight, stirring up another storm in Renjun’s heart.

Reading Renjun’s mind (or his dumbfounded expression), Yukhei adds hastily, “And I wanted to give you this.” Yukhei hands Renjun a blue paper bag that he truly didn’t notice until now. 

And here’s the thing: Yukhei has Molotov cocktails for hands and Renjun’s skin goes up in flames when it accidentally brushes with Yukhei’s. But as long as it’s safe within the confines of his loopy brain, no harm in letting his hand linger. _Right?_

Ever articulate, Renjun asks, “I-uh-I... what is it?”

Yukhei gestures for him to look inside himself and Renjun does so, not without sending him a suspicious look first. Renjun inspects the outside first, a sloppily written _For Renjun_ on the surface. 

And when he peeks inside, Renjun would’ve never, in a million years, expected what he sees. 

There’s a heat pack, three packs of jellies, a medicine case with a variety of tablets properly labeled for differed kinds of aches, a few pain patches, and finally, the book that Renjun had been looking through at the bookstore. The one his mom always read to him.

“Jaemin says you get pretty bad headaches around this time of the semester, so I got you those…and the heat pack—there's only one but I can get more if you need me to. And I wasn’t sure which kind of jellies you’d want, so I got three different brands. And the book—I practically didn’t have to pay for it—Jackson hyung—"

“Yukhei, stop.”

Yukhei’s face drops. Renjun regrets it immediately. “You don’t like it?”

“N-no, Yukhei, no” Renjun clarifies, wide-eyed and stammering. “This is— _wow._ Thank you.”

Renjun always feels an odd sense of victory when he makes Yukhei smile, and now isn’t any different. Renjun offers him a smile back. Though he’s grateful, there’s still the question of why Yukhei thinks he _must_ deliver these to Renjun now. Does he think Doyoung and Ten don’t take good enough care of him? 

“But why now? You didn’t have to come all the way here tonight to give me these, you know that right? You could’ve handed it to me tomorrow,”

“I was on my way home and it’s pretty heavy. So I just thought, why not give it to you now, right?” Yukhei chuckles, and the way he rubs the back of his neck makes it seem like he’s becoming self-conscious.

Renjun only catches onto the first part of his explanation though, and his mouth, which seldom has an affinity to go rogue, disregards any form of logic whatsoever and says, “Oh, were you out with Jieqiong-noona?”

“Ji-Jieqiong?” The name stumbles awkwardly out of Yukhei’s mouth, and it almost sounds foreign in his voice, as in Yukhei doesn’t seem like he’s said the name much. Oh, god. It’s just a name. Why the hell is Renjun reading way too much into this? “No, no. I was studying with Hyuck and Yangyang. We had a final paper to finish.”

Now would be an excellent time for a black hole to swallow Renjun whole. But clearly, help isn’t coming in any sort of cosmic disaster any time soon, so he’s on his own here. He’ll just have to make do with whatever bullshit his mouth can come up with again, considering it’s the one that put him into this in the first place. “Oh. Okay. Congrats.” _Smooth._

Yukhei rubs his hands together and blows on it, and it’s Renjun belatedly realizes that he doesn’t have gloves on. “It’s freezing. Why aren’t you wearing gloves? Hang on, let me go up and grab—“

“No, wait—” Yukhei lightly grabs Renjun’s elbow.  “There’s something else. I, uh, actually came here because...”

Renjun doesn’t exactly know what he wants Yukhei to say, or why he’s even thinking about all the possible things Yukhei _could_ say. Everything feels askew. Renjun feels like an electron that’s gone astray from its electron cloud. And even though Renjun has been more productive than ever, the trade-off doesn’t feel like it’s worth it.

After what feels like one full Earth revolution, Yukhei finishes, “I... really wanted to see you.”

 _Oh_. Okay. “Why?”

”Because,” Yukhei stalls and averts his gaze. “Because...”

Afraid to have Yukhei look at him with sad puppy eyes again, Renjun tries to be patient. Softly, he prods, “Because what?”

“It’s snowing...”

”What does that have to do with anything?” 

“I really...” Yukhei mumbles the rest of the words, and even though Renjun tries to angle himself so as to hear him better, he doesn’t catch any of it. 

“Hmm? What was that?” 

Then Yukhei takes a long, deep breath and Renjun finds himself involuntarily copying him. Yukhei’s expression shifts from conflicted to scarily serious. 

“I like you, Renjun. A lot.” 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh god finally wong yukhei!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! now if only renjun could stop being so emotionally constipated huh,,...
> 
> if you’re still here reading this, you’re a real champ for being so patient ;;; hopefully the next update won't take another seven months (life is unpredictable) (but I will Try)
> 
> kudos, comments, a hello on [twitter](https://twitter.com/mrgoldensuh)/[cc](https://curiouscat.me/renjunsmom), all highly appreciated! c: I hope you have a good day!


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